To Be A Star
by InabaJ
Summary: Ayukawa returns to Japan after 22 years as a pop Idol to find something she'd lost long ago.
1. Chapter 1

**Introduction:**

As always, my deepest gratitude to Matsumoto-sama for allowing me to play in such a wonderful world. All profit or gain should rightly revert to Matsumoto-sama, for without his genius none of us would have been allowed the pleasure of meeting such an interesting cast of characters.

I started this project over 10 years ago, and have just recently dusted it off. Although it has changed considerably from what I had in mind in the first place, it's certainly been enjoyable to read back through and rewrite. I should warn you however, this is not a standard triangle fic. Hikaru has yet to make an appearance and probably will not. This is a matter of personal taste. If I offend, please accept my sincerest apologies.

**Syopsis:**

Madoka returns from her career as a pop Idol after twenty-two years away to find something she lost along the way. The rest of the cast have grown into their own lives, but have never forgotten the impact she'd had on them.

* * *

**To Be A Star** Chapter 1 

Ayukawa pushed the door open before her, her eyes absently scanning the large suite about her as she pushed one foot into the carpeted parlor of the room, her hand wafting across the dials that were built into the wall on the right. At once the lights came up, if only slightly.Ayukawa nodded harshly, and strutted to the bar. She hadn't had a drink since she'd gotten on the bullet shuttle from New York. She'd heard all the reports on how 'safe' and 'harmless' those damn ballistic shuttles were, but she still believed in the very fabric of her bones that you didn't need to go all the way to the heavens and back just to go half-way round the globe. She pulled the bar open abruptly, her nerves still jangled from the ordeal of traveling. J&B in a tumbler with three cubes of ice. It was still early.

Ayukawa grabbed it, pulling it to her lips and taking a slow drink from the tumbler. Her muscles relaxed slowly as the warm tingle of the liquid ran through the extremities of her body. "Ah..." she replied contentedly into the glass as she pulled it down from her mouth, allowing herself a moment to center herself before she took another sip, letting the steam curl slowly around her features as the enforced relaxation of the drink came then crossed the room to the phone.

She dialed room service and waited as she nursed the now half-empty J&B. It took them an interminably long time to pick up, as it always did, the world over, she thought. Some hotels in England still considered their customers worth the time and effort to answer their damned phones punctually, but most didn't. It was the modern ethic. 'I'm too busy to actually do my job'

Finally, a young man intoned a greeting and Ayukawa quickly listened to the specials. "No, I want pastrami on Jewish Rye with salad dressing"

"I'm sorry, maam." He replied. "We're now serving dinner, would you rather have"

She didn't let him finish. "If I'd rather have something else, I'd ask for it." She spat.

Silence awaited her.

"Send up what I asked for, please. Room 1138"

The reply came slowly. "Yes, maam. Is there anything else, maam"

Ayukawa smiled, "Why thank you, yes. If you'd be so kind as to add small salad to that please. Vinegrette"

Again came the grudging accent, and she hung up the phone.

She smiled, her eyes finding the pleasure of at least one argument won today, then turned toward the main room and made her way through the threshold of the entry-way and across the room. She put her drink down in front of the widescreen and found the drawer marked 'Entertainment' beneath it. She pulled the drawer out smoothly as she lowered herself to the floor, setting herself on the back of her ankles. The drawer opened wide before her as her eyes fluttered across the array of selections. She had to admit, they hadn't spared any expense on their video library.

Her hand reached out and found her drink, then she pulled another sip from her glass, the liquid bringing another tinge of relief into her form, allowing the muscles of her arms to become pleasantly slack as her eyes fumbled across one of the selections in the list. "Masaka." she mumbled to no one in particular, her finger following her gaze back up to the title that had caught her eye. "LIVE! The Price Of Love - Ayukawa Madoka"

"Hohoho!" she chuckled aloud, her eyes squinting under the pressure of her humor as the laugh began to enthrall her, then calmed slowly. She hadn't expected to see her own name in the list of so many, most especially from such a distant concert. Actually, it had been the first of many. She smiled brightly and ran her finger down the list again. There were more of hers there, as well as the one movie she had ever made. Laughter licked at her ribs again as she remembered how bad that movie actually was. She had been one of the many singers who had taken a shot at a career in acting at that time, and the one her agent had picked up for her was a veritable disaster. The writers had no idea what they were doing; no idea what kind of image she wanted to project. And the director (the DIRECTOR!) had spent more time chasing her around the set than actually directing the picture. She could still remember his name, even now. "Moroboshi!" she chimed to herself as another gust of laughter hit her again. She wasn't likely to forget him, or his wife.

"Tzzzzzt!" she mumbled to herself, then burst out laughing. No, that was one experience that she didn't think she would ever forget.

"Mmmm..." she sighed as the storm subsided, her eyes a-glaze with memories. Even that had been a very long time ago, more time than she had ever imagined there was, so long ago. Abruptly her smile disappeared as the thought ran through her mind. That was the truth of it, 'so long ago'. That was one thing she did regret. Time.

----

Kyousuke pushed himself along the sidewalk, his eyes diligently drawn to his feet, as if he were not willing to see so much of himself in the dim faces that passed him on the late Saturday evening. He straitened his form and nodded abruptly to the two men who faced him, murmuring an apology as he squeezed himself between them. It had been quite a while since he'd been out of the house by himself, much longer than he'd thought as a matter of fact. But one didn't have much time when trying to raise a teen-age daughter, most especially his teen-age daughter, Soko. It seemed that she was always getting into trouble, in one way or another. As a matter of fact, she was the only reason he was out this late. She had gone out on a date with one of her schoolmates, who--by some miracle of happenstance--reminded him somewhat of himself when he was that age. This was not a good sign; not a good sign at all. He remembered too much about those days, and what kind of schemes he had come up with to interest the various girls in his past. In that knowledge, he couldn't help but make sure his 'baby' was all right no matter how early the young man had promised to bring her home. Even she was too much like someone he knew all to well for him to be certain about her safety. And so, he had found himself here, walking the same street he couldn't remember how many times, looking into one particular window each time he passed. It really wasn't too bad, he told himself. He had gotten incredibly bored standing outside the movie theatre, trying to stay in the shadows in case they had decided that particular showing didn't suit them. He chuckled to himself at the thought. He really must learn to trust her sometime. Even if he could find the time he would surely run out of energy before she did. His relatively old bones couldn't take going out every night for hours on end. His metabolism wouldn't put up with it.

But nevertheless, he was here, walking this street, and making sure his daughter hadn't run into any problems on her 'date', although he refused to think of it as such. It wasn't his fault that none of her so-called boyfriends weren't good enough for him. He pulled his eyes up from the pavement beneath his feet, scanning the streets as his mind ran over every part of the evening with a critical glare. He could already see the danger signs in this one. He had that far-off look of a dreamer, which was all right as far as it went, but then again -even though he remembered the same look in his own eyes- such boys weren't noted for their.

His feet stopped abruptly, breaking his thoughts as he found his head painfully pressed up against the broad shoulders of a very large man staring into the window of small electronics shop with a sudden THUMP!

"Hey!" the large man responded, turning to Kyousuke fiercely, "Watch where you're going!" then turned back to the Terminals in the window tuned to a news site. "Hahahaha!" Kyousuke stuttered out, his palms beginning to sweat nervously, hiding one hand behind his head "Go.. Gomen." One thing he most definitely did not need was to attract any kind of attention. If his daughter caught him again there would be hell to pay. His hoarse throat still remembered the last time she had seen him following her on one of her dates, and remembered the shouting match that had ensued after she had caught him alone.

He couldn't help it if he was a bit protective of his only daughter. It was just his way, even though it did seem to suffocate anyone who knew him, or so Manami told him every time she saw him. But he pushed the thought back to deal with later as he bowed slightly to the man's back, chuckling nervously, all too eager to remove himself from the situation when the light tone of the large terminal in the window caught his attention.

He stood consumed by the screen as the young blonde anchor continued with her monologue, "And in other news today, the singing sensation Ayukawa Madoka has disappeared from her California home, missing the first scheduled appearance of her new tour entitled 'Unique' at Radio City Music Hall. Her agent and Manager, Mr. Davis has issued a press release denying the rumors of her early retirement from her singing career and assures the public that she will most certainly attend her next scheduled event, dated April 23 in Chicago. However, sources close to Madoka state that..." but Kyousuke's mind was elsewhere, drifting through memories that he had never thought exhausted after all this time. "Papa!" a voice sounded out from behind him as he jumped out of his skin. "Oooaagh!" he sounded, his mind quickly turning to the situation at hand as he turned slowly. 'Shimata!' he sounded to himself. She'd caught him. "Ah! Soko-chan," he smiled to his daughter, then nodding noncommittally to her young counterpart, "what a coincidence!" he tried to explain as the sweat began to pour down from his forehead, hiding his hand at the base of his neck as he gave a nervous chuckle.

She brushed his comment aside as she always did in this situation, and poised herself for her usual 'dim' response, "Papa, Seigi-san's going to walk me home, so don't stay out too late, okay"

"Ahhaha!" Kyousuke struggled, trying to come up with something that would counter his daughter's quick blow. "Hai." then chiding himself fiercely for not coming up with something that could at least be considered a sentence.

"Ja ne, Papa!" she turned quickly, grabbing her date by the arm and pulling him after her. She had no compulsion to stay here and listen to his excuses. She could do that at home.

"Ja!" Kyousuke called after her as they swept through the crowd of people gathered along the sidewalk, then sighed to himself as they dropped out of sight. It had already been a rough night, and was surely likely to get worse. But who could blame him for not trusting a boy with a name like that? And the way he looked at her. What had possessed her to associate with such an obvious 'H!  
He liked to think that it was her mother that inspired such things in her, but he knew better. He hadn't exactly been an angel all his days, most especially when he'd heard the phrase 'Just the two of us.' no matter who it pertained to. He pulled his head up quickly, his eyes fierce with the light of recognition, as the thought passed through his mind. At his doorstep, just the two of them. "Shimata!" he bellowed aloud, his mind caught in the fury of the thought, and broke into a feverish run. If he could just get there before they did, he could stop the inevitable, as if that was something that was possible. But he most surely didn't want her to repeat the mistakes that he'd made, and he felt sure -as he did about any boy who entered his home- that Seiji was one of them.

"Out of my way!"

----

Madoka groaned as she turned onto her side, the mass of dark hair that covered her face sent almost electric tingles throughout her features as her eyes fluttered open. It had been a hard night, and even now, as she woke, if slowly, she could still feel the presence of what it was that she had run from the night before. Ayukawa grimaced at the pains that wracked her stomach, yet pushed herself upright nevertheless. She had become somewhat accustomed to the nagging of her stomach that waited at each morning to greet her, most especially after the nights that she had chosen to drink a bit too much, which was more often than she liked to admit. She was somewhat surprised at the force of her explosion the night before as her eyes scanned the room. Drinking might be average for her at this point in her life, but violence surely wasn't, and from the look of the room around her, she had been quite violent in her attentions the night before. "Hummph." she grunted remorselessly to herself. Just one of the numerous things that her agent would surely begrudge her about the next time they talked, which was also more often than she liked to admit. She couldn't help it if he was the only one that treated her as if she was an actual person, although his schemes might not even leave room for any kind of compassion, much less human emotion, she laughed mirthlessly at the thought of his keen eyes and hollow voice. Even if he didn't know it, he was more human than most. His open cynicism had helped her even her temperament more than once, or so she told herself.

She pushed her legs over the side of the bed, not surprised at the fact that she hadn't bothered to muss the sheets the night before, or that she had slept in her clothes, such was customary of one of her binges. She flapped her arms uselessly at the evidence of her drunken inaction and pressed the heel of her hands into her abused eyes, trying to make them focus, although even she couldn't really think of a reason her eyes would see anything she wanted to see. And yet, even though she most definitely didn't want to, there were things she had to do today. That was the entire reason she was here after all this time; finally returning to her home. She huffed angrily, letting all the air fall from her lungs, then pulled in a deep breath. Her chest strained painfully at the thought of actually going out in public. It was something else she hadn't done in a very long time.

She held the air inside her lungs for a second that seemed like much longer as her eyes squinted shut against the barrage of thoughts that entered her mind. All the excuses that had kept her from doing this very same thing for so many years. Then with all the force she could muster, she pushed them aside. If she didn't do it now, she never would.

She pushed herself up from her bed and stalked to the bath to prepare herself for the day. There had been many a day that she had dreamt of this. And now, almost as if it were another dream, she couldn't believe it was about to occur.

* * *

Ah, Chapter 1 is done. Come back soon for Chapter 2. A fateful meeting between two old friends is awaiting you! 


	2. Chapter 2

** Introduction:**

As always my thanks to Matsumoto-sama.

This is the contiuation of To Be a Star which takes forward into the future 22 years after Madoka has had a career in music in the US and has returned to Japan looking for something she lost. The rest of the cast have grown into their own lives, and their own children.

**Synopsis:**

Madoka finds that many things have changed among her old friends. Some seem to have grown, some have children of their own. What hope is in store for the cast?

* * *

**To Be A Star**Chapter 2 

Manami sat at the bar of the small pub, her dazed eyes staring un-blinkingly out into the masses of people that thronged, even at this hour, to and from wherever people went at this time of the morning. She leaned back slowly, her mouth opening wide in a yawn as she tried to tune out what was being said around her. Her thoughts were too deep in other things to bother with anything as trivial, yet enjoyable, as neighborhood gossip.

She couldn't help but feel a bit restless today, as her body admitted by making her almost unbearably uncomfortable in the vinyl padded booth she and the other 'hens' always sat in. To be truthful, she didn't really care to hear about what Mrs. Komatsu from across the way was doing with her off time, or which lover Ushiko had this week. It was just a way to pass the time, and not feel so dreadfully alone.

She had a husband, to be sure, and kids, more kids than she ever imagined she would have ever found the time for. But still, lately she seemed to want something more. The past few days, at the least, she had been increasingly uneasy when washing the daily dishes, or cooking a large supper for her ever expanding family, her brother's one daughter, and her twin's two sons often frequenting her home on the supposition that no one else could cook like Aunt Manami, which she assumed to be correct, knowing the two of them as well as she did. It almost seemed as if there was something missing from her life, something that she had lost a very long time ago. But she knew that was nonsense, and told herself so firmly at every chance she could find. Although that still didn't stop the hunger inside her, the small part of her that said she had somehow misplaced something valuable. "Hmmm..." she sighed to herself as she watched a group of businessmen walk past along the paved side-walk out front of the small pub, her eyes following their feet for a while, then moving on to the next clump of people she didn't know, and had no care to at this moment. Her mind was still on other things when the door sounded to her right, breaking her morose self-analysis. Manami pulled her eyes up from her lethargy to the sound that had so rudely disturbed her thoughts, and for one instant, had thought she had seen something so stimulating it would have been worth actually getting out of bed.

'Demo...' she responded mutely to herself, still caught in the blind confusion of what she had thought she saw. It was impossible, to be sure, after all this time.

------

Ayukawa strolled down the strip of shops that now lined Orange Road, her eyes taking in the changes that had occurred over the 20 years that she had been gone, or as well as they could after a night like the last. She hadn't been too hip on the idea of leaving the moderately safe seclusion of her hotel suite, most especially for something as ludicrous as this. After all, her agent could possibly get in touch with her if he really wanted to. That damn receptionist was all too eager to take her bribe when she had checked in, and she just as sure that the girl would happily take a larger bribe to reveal her secret. But nevertheless, she had bought some time with her not-so hard earned cash. It would take him at least a few days to find her in this town, even if he knew where to look, which she kidded herself hopefully, that she hadn't betrayed that as well.

But there was no time for thinking about that. It would happen no matter what. A public figure like her wouldn't go unnoticed for too long, and when her merry-go-round did finally come to an end she hoped she had accomplished at least some of what she had come for. And so, she trudged on as fast as her now sore feet would take her to all the memorable sights that had stuck in her mind no matter what she put into her body, letting her legs lead her to the familiar places where her memories were kept.

It hadn't taken her long to find it, not after so many days and nights of going to and from during her small scholastic career. It seemed almost as if it hadn't changed at all. The sign still declared nobly that this was where she had worked for so many nights, sweeping the floors and doing the dishes. It had even held the characteristic tilt of the C in A B C B. She chuckled at the sight. She thought that Master would have had time to fix it by now. She stepped up to the latticed door, her fingers slowly moving over the wood and glass lattice work that had been imprinted in her mind after so many days, and noticed only the new coat of paint, the exact same shade as it had always been atop the scarred edged of the glass. Abruptly, she pulled away as a young couple entered the establishment, her hand moving quickly up to her sunglasses, pulling them up over her eyes to hide her features as she apologized, "Gomen." and moved quickly out of their youthful way. The young man moved toward the door to open it for his companion.

"Domo, dah-ling." the young girl answered, forcing an all-be-it subdued chuckle from Ayukawa as she moved to enter after them, a light smile moving across features that were definitely not accustomed to the strain. Ayukawa stopped in her tracks, the familiar sound of the bell that hung lazily over the door chimed gently in her ears, at once, as if it were the insolent stroke of a cat, she felt at home. She pulled in a slow breath, peeking over the rim of her sunglasses at the room laid out before her. It was as if it hadn't changed a bit. The customary coffee pot she'd used who knows how many dozens of times still sat in it's place at the counter, and table number four in the corner still seemed a bit out of place with it's harsh old rot-iron legs in contrast to the newly chromed supports of the others. Yes, she was finally home.

She drew herself up quickly and strutted toward the bar, finding a vacant spot between the couple she had followed in and an old fashioned paper poster that hung drearily on the wall, one corner leaning down lazily to greet her. But she paid it no mind, as she did the humorous, at least to her, ramblings of the blonde girl that played at flirting with her cohort at the other end of the bar. Her usual speculative cynicism had seemed to have left her.

She hopped up onto the stool at once, and, looking to a small menu card before her, she found not much had changed there either. Oh, a few new items, and a few zeros here and there, but basically, as far as she could remember, the same. It comforted her in a way that she couldn't begin to describe.

"What can I get you?" a voice said from directly in front of her, snapping her back from her visions of too many yesterdays. She drew her eyes up to him, self-consciously wondering how long she had been staring at the card, and the rest of the pub for that matter, but put it to the back of her mind as she searched her thoughts for what would be a good choice. "Mmmm.." she mumbled, still undecided when it caught her. 'Yes,' she thought, her eyes resting on the old antique that stood in it's rightful place on the counter, then replied aloud. "A cup of American Coffee would be nice." absently adding a smile to her words.

"Hai." the bartender nodded, turning about to face the terminal behind him.

Ayukawa, her eyes following him as he moved, stared dully at the man's back as he pulled the pot from the automatic percolator, feeling almost affronted that she would have to, even here, drink the ready-made blended crap that they passed off as coffee these days. "Umm..." but it wasn't that at all. "Ee?" the young waiter turned in answer.

Ayukawa's eyes darted nervously to the antique coffee maker that sat on the bar as her voice tried to explain what it was that bothered her, "Aren't you going to use..." trying with all her might not to become the bitch everyone who knew her said she was.

"Eh?" the young barkeep looked to her in response, a puzzled query with a bit of contempt that he didn't try too hard to hide. "What do you mean"

'AAAaaahhggg!' Ayukawa cried to herself, her mind flashing with the anger that always came when anyone treated her as such, but with effort, she was able to hold back the scream long enough to explain. "Well, it's there, isn't it"

"You must be joking." the boy stated flatly as he stared, bemused into her eyes. "Don't you know?" Then, with a huff of exasperation he idled up to the bar, leaning to her slightly to give his almost conspiratorial whisper more force, "Ayukawa Madoka herself used that coffee pot when she worked here, over 20 years ago." pointing his finger accusingly at the old glass coffee-maker, Madoka's eyes following it slowly, then darting up to the wall where her poster, her first poster hung disorderly on the wall. Ayukawa tried to force back the surprise that enthralled her, tried mightily not to allow any inclination that she might be even the slightest bit interested, but it was too late. The boy was still talking, "But personally," his eyes scanning the room once as his voice lowered in volume slightly, "I just think he keeps it around 'cause it's good for business. The yokels around here will believe anything." he pronounced with a decisive slash of his wrist as Ayukawa tried not to giggle. Apparently the boy felt some kind of affinity for the hard, cynical lines around her eyes. She tried not to giggle, tried hard, and, mostly, succeeded. But if she had betrayed anything, he surely didn't bother to bring it up, for he was again at work at the terminal, punching in orders that were now a bit backlogged for cause of their short observation. It seemed to her hopelessly sentimental, if a bit silly, but she had missed that coffee pot. It -and she was sure Master agreed with her- in a way represented her time here. Like an old style photograph in disrepair from being shoved into a wallet one too many times. A bit tattered around the edges, blurred and faded by time and sweat, but more valuable in ways that one couldn't begin to describe.

The young man was back with her coffee in what seemed like seconds. 'At least the service has improved.' she thought, the humor of her statement sinking through to her bones. But she didn't feel like laughing as she nodded to the young man who placed the steaming cup in her reach. Something essential had been lost. She took a sip from the cup and felt the bitter tones of the black liquid edge into her body. The almost tangible absence of sentiment couldn't quell the hunger inside of her, the thirst for what was. She looked up from the cup, letting her hands absently place it almost out of reach as she raised a hand in plain view, flagging down the boy who rushed behind the counter, obviously busy in his own right, and more than willing to dismiss a customer who had already been a problem.

Nevertheless, he came, if slowly, "Anything else"

Ayukawa stopped for a moment, trying to put into words what she had thought, and what she needed, "Where is the owner?" her voice carefully free of any resentment.

"Hey," the boy chided jokingly, "you're not going to tell on me, are you"

Ayukawa bowed her head slightly and flashed an all-knowing smile for the bartender, remembering how it felt to hear that same sentence from his perspective. "No," she replied, unable to keep the slight chuckle out of her voice, "you could say we're..." pausing to find the right word for it, "old friends"

"Really?" the boy responded speculatively, obviously a bit weary of her story. "Well, always happy to have a friend pop back in." his eyes watching hers for any sign of malice, but, as she had made sure, there was none to be found. "Unfortunately," supposedly making his decision, for better of worse, "he's not here right now," pulling himself back from the counter, then hooking a thumb over his shoulder, "but I could ring him for you." a trace of distrust still ambient in his eyes.

"Hmm.." she chuckled slightly, bowing her head to her coffee, then, as she gripped herself for the contact, she decided against it. That wasn't what she had come here for, she knew that, knew it without having to think. "No, that's okay." she said with a waft of her wrist, dismissing the subject, "I'll catch up with him later." She could at least afford some dignity.

But she didn't have much time to contemplate her decision, it seemed to her that fate wouldn't allow it. She knew that confrontation was inevitable, if not immanent, but when she felt the eyes on her back, and heard the tell-tale, "Ano..." she couldn't help but feel the urge to run, and keep on running until she had reached the relative safety of her hotel suite. Fate didn't allow her that chance. The woman stepped forward behind Ayukawa, flanking her right, leaving only the slim space between herself and the wall for a getaway, but even that surpassed her. She was stuck, compelled by circumstance, and her own emotion to listen to whatever the woman had to say. "Um..." she began, her hands clenched tightly together before, kneading each other under the tension of such a question, "Don't I know you"

'Eeaaaww...' Ayukawa grunted to herself, her body cringing with the full force of her annoyance. "No," her eyes trained on the coffee cup that sat in her hands on the bar, "I don't believe so." She could almost hear the words before the woman continued.

"Mmmm..." the woman mumbled, moving closer to get a better look at her prey as her eyes widened in surprise. "It is you!" Ayukawa wanted to hurl.

"I can't believe it!" the woman droned on, her excitement most definitely not shared by the woman she accosted. What was she to do now! She'd never even get the chance that was her right!

But the woman persisted in invading Ayukawa's thoughts, "Onee-chan! Don't you recognize me?" Ayukawa groaned. 'Not one of THOSE'

"Manami!" Ayukawa's heart skipped a beat. "Kasuga Manami"

It was as if an intolerable weight lifted from her chest. She couldn't believe, no, wouldn't believe it. Fate couldn't be so cruel as to put her through all that just to give her what she wanted. But, as she turned, she couldn't deny the reality of the woman who stood before her, the dark hair, still long she noticed, the glass rimmed brown eyes, even the moderate, if a bit fuller proportions. "Manami-chan!" she cried, jumping from her seat to bear hug the woman who stood before her, stunned by Madoka's reaction.

"Ah!" Ayukawa chimed as she let the slightly distraught woman go, her eyes nearing tears, "It's so good to see you!"

* * *

Wait! There's more in store for Ayukawa in Chapter 3! Find out along with Ayukawa what's been happening while she's been away! 


	3. Chapter 3

** Introduction:**

As always, my thanks to Matsumoto-sama.

**Synopsis: **

A meeting with an old friend brings revelations for Madoka.**  
**

* * *

**To Be A Star**

Chapter 3

Ayukawa sat in the center of the couch, her eyes intently studying the glistening coffee that swirled round in a miniature maelstrom in the cup she'd only sipped throughout the last hour. There was so much going on that she couldn't seem to stop her head from spinning. It's not as if she'd expected life to stop when she left Japan, but she certainly didn't expect so much to have happened.

She had learned from Manami what had happened over the past few years, and was well on her way through the history of the Kasuga family. So much had happened in what seemed such a small amount of time. Both the twins were married now, as well as Akane, and Kazuya, although you couldn't really call the relationship Kazuya was in 'married'. He, unlike the other Kasuga's had had a hard time of it where relationships were concerned, and was well on his way to his second divorce.

Manami had become Mrs. Hanawa, as she had married a somewhat simpleminded schoolteacher she'd met while on her own educational training. They'd had three children so far, and, as Manami had put it, didn't plan on any more popping in to say hello. But where Manami had been enamored with the idea of marriage, her twin sister hadn't, or at least while in the last years of her high school career. She'd somehow ended up doing a few things she shouldn't have, with a pair of twin sons on the way, been proposed to by Yuusaku, of all people. It had turned out well for them in the end, for they both knew each other's dispositions very well, sharing most of their overt traits, as do their children, or so Ayukawa had heard.

But the family's ability to screw up didn't end there. Akane had been some kind of dancer for a while, and had continued on with her usual sexual habits until one of her lovers had made a point of embarrassing her quite willfully. The offending party was never put back together properly, but Akane, after seeing a bit of the dark side, and a bit of her own side, had decided on a woman she'd met while shopping. They'd been married not two years now, and were considering adopting their first child even now.

It warmed Ayukawa's heart to think of it, even though that wasn't the life she'd have hoped for if it had been her.

And then there was Kazuya, who had so much resembled Kyousuke -Ayukawa digressed fondly- when he was young who had the brunt of the matter. Now on his second wife, Kazuya hadn't really had a great time of it. Even though he hadn't borne any children upon either consummation, he still had the alimony to make and was yet to receive the bill from yet another.

He'd been good at what he'd chosen to do after college, and made a good sum, or so Manami said. Unfortunately, for all concerned, his taste for women -most especially secretaries- hadn't been anything but trouble for him. It had cost him one marriage, two jobs, and was about to cost him another wife, and another hundred thousand in divorce lawyers. But, if anything, that was Kazuya.

Ayukawa hadn't been able to bring herself to ask about Kyousuke. The subject played at the edges of her mind like a kite on the wind, springing up and down in the tumult of emotion that kept her on edge. And then there was that photograph on the mantle. To be sure, Kyousuke hadn't had a mustache when they'd all been in school together, and Kurumi hadn't been pregnant either. But that wasn't what caught her. Ayakawa, even in her most inebriated, could count rather well. To be sure, she'd dropped out of high school, but she still had ten fingers and ten toes, much to the chagrin of stage managers and prop-men throughout her career. Manami's twin girls were there, and Kurumi's two children, as well as Kazuya's step-daughter, Aiko. But that accounted for all but one child in the picture. She was pale, with light brown hair that hung long and deep over one eye, although braided tightly in the back. Even from the place where Ayukawa sat she could still see the deep green of the girl's eyes; the shape of the mouth and chin that all but said "Kasuga." But who were her parents? The girl stood between Kyousuke, and Akane and her Natsume, but held a firm resemblance to any of them. Could that be Akane's adopted daughter? No. Manami had said that they were 'expecting', not quite parents yet. But that only left...

Manami caught the woman's stare and sighed. She knew she was going to have to bring it up sometime, and now would probably be the best time, before they started talking about other things that would be even more upsetting to her old friend. Manami got up and went to it. "Madoka-san," she began, lifting the photograph from the mantle and bringing it to the woman. "have you seen a picture of Kyousuke's little girl yet?"

Ayukawa was shocked out of her daze, and almost knocked over her cup of coffee. "Kyousuke's…"

"Daughter, yes." Manami smiled, and handed the 8x10 framed print to her. It's easier this way, she thought to herself. Break in the idea slowly. "You did know he has a daughter didn't you?"

Ayukawa hesitated, reaching out slowly, as if to touch a nightmare. "No." she intoned, her voice crackling softly. "No, I didn't."

Manami ignored the sounds, as was best. "Isn't she adorable? I think she looks like her father more than her mother. She certainly has her temper, but his heart. The best of both of them really, but there wasn't much of that woman that was good, if you ask me."

Ayukawa stared into the photo, stunned into silence. Kyousuke was married! She'd never considered, never thought that her savior would be again out of her reach. Gone from her future again! She sniffed absently and dug into her coat pocket. "Do you mind if I smoke?" But she couldn't find them there. She'd tossed them out! She could see them, through drunken eyes, laying in the trash can at the hotel as she hissed at them through her alcoholic rage.

Manami grimaced, feeling the woman's pain. "Sure, I think I have some cigarettes in the kitchen." She got up, still talking over her shoulder lightly, as if to lessen the blow with some try at humor. "But please don't tell Hanawa-san. He hates it when I smoke in the house. He says it's bad for the children's development," she said, continuing loudly as she got the two year old pack out of the cupboard where she kept them, and an old pack of matches that probably wouldn't light. "and I know he's right, but every once in a while, I get… well, wistful about the old days and it helps to have a piece of my rebellion close at hand."

Ayukawa wouldn't have been further away in Los Angeles. She couldn't see past the picture, and the words. When Manami handed her a cigarette and the golden-orange pack of matches, etched on the back with the ABCB logo, should could hardly move her hands in the old, familiar way.

Manami sat beside her and gripped the woman's hand, calling her eyes up from that nightmarish photo. "Are you okay, Madoka-san?"

Ayukawa gulped hard, "Y… Yes, I'm fine." She smiled. She was used to putting that smile up. It was like an old friend, and she lit the cigarette and drew in a harsh breath of smoke, waking her from the daydream that she now knew was lost. That was the end.

She shrugged forcibly, and pulled in another drag. "He looks very happy." She said, staring off into the distance, not really expecting a response. No longer really there. It might just as well have been a Hollywood party, and she was discussing the latest model's nuptials to some or other 'H' producer.

Manami smiled slyly to herself, then took the position she really detested of her most gossipy friends, but well suited for the purpose as she took the photograph from Ayukawa. "Well, not to be a gossip or anything, but between me and you, when she left him, he was crushed, but only for a little bit. I don't really think he ever loved her. I think, if you don't mind me saying so, he was just trying to get back at you for leaving."

Ayukawa barely heard what was said. She hardly could anymore. But something, way in the back of her mind registered something beyond her own pain. "What?"

Manami got up from the couch and went over to the bookcase. "Well, I guess it's no secret." She said, digging out a somewhat battered photo-album from the doors beneath the 'Great Writers' that nobody ever actually read except her. "I'll be honest with you," she said, sitting back down next to Ayukawa, whose attention she now had in full. "I was mad at you for a long time after you left. To see someone you love go through that much pain, waiting for just a word…"

Ayukawa shied away sheepishly. She wasn't proud of what her life had become, and wasn't proud of the majority of the things she'd done in her career.

"Or a letter, or anything. It was very hard for him, and he found solace where he could." She gripped the photo album in front of her and hesitated. Breathing deep, she opened it, and showed, rather than told her old friend what had happened. "Personally, I think he was just trying to get back at you for not coming back. He met Sayuri again after graduation when he did a spread of swimsuit models. They were… how shall I put it," Manami hesitated, gauging the right way to say it, trying to ignore the agape expression Ayukawa displayed. "steadfastly not in love. No, that's not right. Oniichan really did think he loved her. But never once do I think she loved him."

Ayukawa was horrified. The lifelike image in front of her, displayed below the glistening paste-sheet of a white wedding, with a loud and boisterous Sayuri, the bitch from jr. high, and a demurely smiling Kyousuke, looking at that loud cunt the way he used to look at her. It was almost too much to bear. "Sayuri? But…"

Manami winced a little as she thought of those times. "She left him, of course. She said she wanted a better life, without him." Ayukawa's hands greedily pored over the photos, flipping from page to page; her eyes taking in every painful detail.

"Of course, it wasn't until after she had Soko, that poor child," Manami continued presumably absently. "You know, she almost aborted. That… woman never cared about anyone but herself. She left when Soko was just a year and a half."

Ayukawa sat completely still, her heart abused by what she heard. She was attacked with every word.

"He was crushed when she left him. He was barely making ends meet." She intoned strongly, then smiled to Ayukawa. "But onii-chan never quit." She turned the page for her bemused friend. "See, I took Soko in and helped out a bit, and onii-chan came to stay with us for a while, there's a picture of our first Friday dinner with all of us together. Hanawa-san didn't really like taking them in, but a woman does have her ways." She chuckled, amused at the memory of that night. "And there we all are on her first day of school. Onii-chan wouldn't let her out of his sight! It was so adorable, we almost had to drag him away from the school! It broke his heart when Soko told him to go home!" she laughed.

Ayukawa wasn't sure what to think. It was all so much. Her heart lightened slightly, but if she ever was sure of what she was doing here, in Manami's home, chasing after a 20 year-old flame, she wasn't sure now. What right did she have of coming back into his life after she'd ruined everything for him.

Ayukawa was still caught in her own thoughts when Manami took her hand and turned deadly serious. "Madoka-san, I'm sorry, but I just want to know, are you going to…" Manami stopped, and cringed. She let go. "I can't ask you to do anything for me, or for him. But remember, just remember, it broke his heart when you left. I think he still has feelings for you, and to be honest, I don't know if he could take going through that again. He has Soko, and she is his life, but if you mean to stay, stay. If you don't, don't."

Ayukawa gulped past the lump in her throat and instinctively went for another cigarette. She pulled in a deep drag and fought out a word, any word. Before she could utter some assurance, or some insult, she wasn't sure which, the doorbell rang.

Manami waited for a moment, then got up to answer the door, leaving Ayukawa to stew for a moment. She deserved that much, if not more. She still wasn't sure what was to become of this new development, but she knew this much: Madoka was still very much in love with her brother. Even after twenty years the signs were still there. But even so, the condition of her brother's heart was very much on her mind when she opened the door.

Ayukawa stared into the photograph of Kyousuke and Sayuri with a baby, an honest to god little girl in Kyousuke's arms and still couldn't believe what she saw. It seemed, right now, talking with Manami, like only yesterday she had ran away and stayed in his apartment for half a night until he talked her into going back to her mother and father. It seemed like just a moment ago when she'd worked that first shift with Kyousuke at AaBaCaBu. What right had the world to change so much! She fumed inwardly, pathetically. Too much had already gone so terribly wrong! How could she sit here! Plead for her past!

But she had no time to think. Life was happening as she sat there, sequestered within' her mind on the sofa, staring into a photograph as if it had somehow pierced her armor. "Soko-chan, I'd like you to meet a friend of your father's." Ayukawa's eyes shot upwards to the two, the cigarette burning lazily between her fingers.

Manami smiled. "Kasuga Soko, Ayukawa Madoka."

The girl had light hair, rosy cheeks, green eyes and a decidedly 'Kasuga' appearance. "Sugoi! Honto ni!"

Ayukawa smiled and puffed at her cigarette in that way all stars have when meeting fans they want to impress. "Domo, Soko-chan. Honto, honto. It's me, in the flesh."

Soko blushed, "I kind of always thought he was kidding. You know, he might have went to school with you or something, but to actually KNOW you!"

Manami laughed, "You always think the worst of your father. By the way, does he know you're here?" Manami's expression became stern.

"Dameo, oneechan." Soko pouted. "Please don't tell him, he'd hang me if he knew I ditched school."

"Be careful how much you do that, you could end up like me." Ayukawa said, with a laugh that caught on.

"As long as your grades don't start to slip, I won't tell, okay?" Manami said, moving towards the kitchen. "Madoka-san, do you want anything to eat? I'm starved. Soko, be a dear and keep Ayukawa company while I make us something, okay?"

"Eh? Sure!" Soko beamed, and plopped into a recliner, her legs hidden underneath her uniform skirt as she stared, wide-eyed at Ayukawa.

The two of them began to chat and laugh as Manami exited, beginning to work on some rice cakes that would liven up the little party she'd found herself with. She couldn't help but think that it might have been a bad idea to bring her back here. It could come to no good really, she thought. And now, after having Ayukawa meet Soko, what else would come of it? But there was still a chance, she thought. Ayukawa might stay this time. Either way, she told herself, Kyousuke had the right to see her, without interference from me. He's a grown man, and if there's anything I've learned, she thought, Kyousuke usually does the right thing, even if it's at the wrong time.

When she returned with rice cakes and some warm coffee the two of them were deeply embroiled in their own conversation. "But Ayukawa-sama, he's so obstinate! He follows me everywhere when I'm on dates, and won't let me be alone with any boy in my room! It's impossible to have a normal social life with my dad skulking around every corner! I can't even find a date anymore!"

Ayukawa laughed. "That sounds like Kasuga-kun. You should have seen the way he was with your aunts. They used to date these two real 'H' types, Hatta and Komatsu." Manami chuckled. "One time, we were all going to the beach because, well… nevermind why, but he was supposed to cover for me at the AaBaCaBu but he learned that Hatta and Komatsu were going along." Soko's eyes grew wider and wider every time Ayukawa-san talked of her father in such a way. "One of them, I think it was Hatta, showed up with a camera tied to his shoe!" They all laughed.

"Anyway, we all get to the beach, and Otoosan starts taking pics of Hikaru, and poor Kasuga-kun was caught in between chasing those two lechers around the beach and holding the panel for Kasuga-kun's dad." She giggled, then slowly grew wistful when she saw the scene in her mind unfold. "I remember being so mad, seeing him there, gawking at Hikaru when he was supposed to be helping Master. I stormed off, but he came after me and threatened to walk me home if I didn't come back with him and let Otoosan take my picture too." She smiled, then giggled softly. "Your father has always been so sweet and protective of everyone, even me." Manami knew then. Ayukawa's eyes said it all.

Soko had found something in them too. She giggled aloud and excused herself to go to the bathroom quickly. The two women continued to talk in the background as she made her way through the corridor to the telephone.

------

Kyousuke moved along the street slowly, his eyes lazily taking in the scenery around him although his mind was far away, deeply entombed in other matters. It had been a hard day for him, as it always was when he and Soko argued about something or other. But this day had been harder, as the argument the night before had gone on much too long to be anything but painful to remember. But nevertheless, his mind wouldn't let it go.

It wasn't his fault that Soko meant so much to him. She was his only daughter, and all he had left after her mother had left, screaming at him of the very same charges, which was what had been bothering Kyousuke all day. Could it be that he was being too hard on her? Being too suspicious of the boys she dated?

No, he thought, his mind calling up an image of the boy, his arms around Kyousuke's little girl. He was right to be suspicious of a punk like that with his wild ideas of how he would pay for the things his daughter would need in her lifetime. A band, for heaven's sake! Who, in their right mind, made their living off being in a band!

"Well.." he mumbled, but pushed the thought aside. He was right, damn it. The boy was too young, as was she; only sixteen and wanting to date all too often. She'd even had a party at the house last month while he'd been in L.A.! He'd come home to find the place wrecked, all the food gone, and his entire collection of DVD's draped across the floor, including his Ayukawas! Such was sacrilege in Kyousuke's mind.

But that still didn't inhibit the feelings that kept rushing into his mind. No matter how he tried, he couldn't help but love her, and want to understand what she was going through. Hell, he knew how he, and her mother had been during their days in high school, and Jr. High for that matter. He just couldn't condemn her for things that he, himself would, and had done.

He scuffed a foot along the concrete, kicking a pebble across the pavement as he chided himself. No, that wouldn't do. She needed structure in her life. Needed his eyes around every corner so she wouldn't make the same mistakes that had dictated his life. She was a Kasuga, and in turn had the Power. Those with the Power didn't just marry anybody. He, himself, felt the point of that statement more than most.

Kyousuke stumbled into the Aa Ba Ca Bu, his eyes still on the ground and his mind still on Soko. He'd been walking for hours, but still, despite all his efforts, couldn't even come up with the answer to his problem. Well, he told himself, I really should give her some room, as the door swung back, coming to rest at the jamb with a whoosh of air that picked at his hair. He might as well, or he'd stand a chance of losing her too.

And so, with no answer, but a half-formed conviction in mind, he moved slowly back around the bar, and went to work. Master had left much to do when he'd sold the bar to Kyousuke, leaving things exactly the way they'd been so many years ago. But still, that's what Kyousuke liked about the place, even if the mortgage payments were a little too high for his taste.

After a good cleaning, and adding on a new washroom in the back, a new gas-fire grill, he'd left the place as it was in his memories. He'd even commissioned a few high school students to work the counter for him.

But his nostalgia had cost him, he reminded himself as he nodded to Ryuu, his waitress who looked and acted more like a boy than he would admit in front of her, and Macky, his part time barkeep who was constantly drawing one mech design or another. Kyousuke had considered talking to the boy about it, but it never really got in the way of his work.

But looking at them run around the pub, a smile in Ryuu's eyes, one of the few he'd ever seen, he couldn't bear to let them know how very much he was in debt, and how much longer he could afford to pay them. Kyousuke sighed drearily to himself at the thought of trying to confront either of them with that news. The phone didn't let him finish the thought.

Macky picked it up, and waved to him after only a moment of listening to the voice at the other end. "It's Soko." he mouthed.

Kyousuke stood erect, trying to draw up enough courage to speak to his only child. There'd be a few things that she'd want to talk about and would most certainly start over the phone if she had her way about it. "Un." he nodded, and took the instrument from the boy. "Moshi, moshi." and braced himself for impact.

"Papa!" she chimed through the receiver, catching Kyousuke off guard. He was sure that he'd get a reaming. Had planned on it, and even, in a way, felt he deserved it, but this was all the more disconcerting. "Are you done there? Manami oneechan wants us to come over for dinner."

Kyousuke grimaced at the thought. He knew exactly why Soko had gone to his sister's house, as she'd often done so when they'd had a fight. Knew she'd wanted a safe place to keep their troubles hidden, and in that knew that she wouldn't be able to chide her, or she chide him. He didn't like to let things fester, but it seemed the wisest way. Soko always did know, he digressed, what was best for the two of them. "Hai. Wagata. I've got some paperwork to do, so it'll be an hour or more." He'd have to have time to go home and change clothes at least. His attire, however proper, wasn't something he liked to show in front of Hanawa-san, Manami's husband.

"OK!" Soko called back merrily, sowing the seed of worry in Kyousuke's mind. She was much too happy. There was something he didn't know. He could feel it. "Then we'll see you at six. Ja ne, Papa!" and the phone went dead in his hand with a firm click!

Kyousuke replaced the phone back in it's cradle and turned, regarding the restaurant about him with its few customers, and fewer workers. He'd planned on working late with them tonight. More hiding from Soko than anything, he mused. But still, there were things to be taken care of before he could go. He immediately flagged down Mackey. "Oi! Mackey! Ryuu!" and, as the two strode up to him, "Can you work late tonight? Gomen ne, shikashi..."

But Mackey knew when he was needed, for he stood upright, his chest out, "I'd be glad to. Been trying to save up for a stereo anyway."

And all eyes were on Ryuu as she pushed a stray lock of hair that always seemed to be in her way. "Hai." she sighed, "I guess I could close up with Macky." a bit of color finding her cheeks.

"Ah, doomo!" and smiled as he took off for the office to put the few things in order that must be done before the days end, Mackey returning to his spot behind the bar, and Ryuu back to her rounds.

Ryuu turned, coming back from table number four and trying to ignore the lurid stares from behind her as she regarded the young man she'd gotten to know quite well in the last few months. "Don't tell me you're that happy about working late."

"Maaa.." Mackey chimed merrily, wiping an invisible spot from a tumbler. "Ah! Life is good!"

"You're just strange." she snapped, and rushed away with pad, and pen in hand.

"Ee?"

* * *

Look for Chapter 4! The fateful meeting of the celestial lovers! 


	4. Chapter 4

**Introduction:**

As always, my thanks to Matsumoto-sama.

**Synopsis: **

Soko has played the two into meeting again after 22 years.

* * *

**To Be A Star**

Chapter 4

"Ja ne, Papa!" Soko said as ended the call a secret smile rising up over her features. Waa! she thought: Won't Papa be so surprised to see Ayukawa-sama again! She pushed a hand to her mouth, smothering a giggle at the thought.

Papa would indeed be surprised. Papa would be awestruck. And, Soko added to herself, if I can just get Papa to start dating again, he won't be on my back so much.

"Demo.." she intoned quietly as she peered back, around the corner into the kitchen. The two women sat opposite each other, chatting about what times they'd had in school. I wonder, she thought: Maybe Ayukawa-sama won't like Papa. He surely isn't the most attractive guy. But still...

She had to find out.

She busied herself in the bathroom for a moment, and almost ran back in to find out if her assumptions were correct. When a position in the conversation permitted it, she was ready. "Ayukawa-sama," she began, in all seriousness, "I have to know what you want with my father."

Manami was as dumbstruck as Ayukawa. The two of them exchanged a look and Manami began to speak. "Soko-chan, it's not polite to ask blunt questions."

"It's all right." Ayukawa said soothingly. "I have to answer to both of you on this." She said wincingly. "Soko, I've known your father for a long time, and for a long time we've been good friends. Maybe not recently, but…" she could barely go on, but she instinctively knew this was the time to be honest. "Your father and I have a long history, and some of it isn't so nice, but a lot of it was. I'd just like to… to come home again. Do you understand?"

Soko thought she knew what the older woman had meant. Manami could hear what was unsaid. She could see it plainly in the pained lines around Ayukawa's eyes. She'd never been a good actress, Manami thought, which I guess is why her movie bombed.

"I think I understand." Said Soko. "And I'm glad you said so, because I invited him over for dinner. That is, if you don't mind Manami-neechan."

Ayukawa's jaw dropped, Manami laughed. "You're a devil, Soko-chan!"

"He's coming here!" Ayukawa bellowed.

Soko smiled and nodded. "I called him on the phone."

"But…"

"Madoka-san" Manami said, catching her attention. "you have to see him some time. And believe me, you'll get used to Soko-chan's presumptiveness."

Ayukawa chuckled softly. "Forgive me, Soko-chan, I don't usually bite. But still, I can't see him like this. I'm hung over for christ's sake! And in blue jeans!"

As soon as she'd said it, she remembered where she was, and with who. "Woops." BIG sweat drop. "I don't usually, you know, drink a lot, but, you know, expecting today would, well."

Soko and Manami laughed loud forcing Ayukawa to blush redly. "Oh, I'm sorry, Madoka-san. I don't mean to laugh." Manami said, between guffaws. "But I always wanted your figure. You look better in jeans than half of the models do!"

Ayukawa chuckled softly, "I guess it is a little silly, blushing like a school-girl." She hugged herself tightly, "But what if he doesn't recognize me. I know it's silly, but it's been a long time. I just didn't expect…"

Soko looked at Manami, "Is she serious?"

"Soko-chan! Don't be rude." Manami chided gaily. "Madoka-san hasn't seen 'the shrine'."

"Eh?"

Soko beamed, "It's not as if he hasn't seen you in twenty years. He COLLECTS you!"

Ayukawa looked to Manami, bemused.

"Madoka-san, what Soko is trying to say is that Kyousuke-niichan is your biggest fan." She said, trying to hold in her laughter.

"He has every poster ever printed," Soko began with her eyes wide. "every ticket stub he could afford, bootlegs of all your concerts, and every DVD you ever released, including your movie, which, I'm sorry Ayukawa-sama, was really bad."

Ayukawa laughed aloud, "I know. That nightmare of a co-star I had, Ben Afflec kept hitting on me throughout the whole thing and he smelled awful! It was like trying to be romantic with a clove of garlic! And the Director! He was such a lech!"

That made them all roar together, and Ayukawa suddenly was aware that the tension of the afternoon had taken it's toll on her bladder. "Manami-san, where do you keep the bathroom?" She said, excusing herself from the conversation. "And could I borrow some makeup? Just a little something to cover up the bags?"

"Sure." Manami said, getting up and leading her out of the room. "It's just down here, and I don't really use very much any more, but I think I still have some cover-up. I'll have to look and see what I've got."

Soko watched as she got up, and waited for her moment, edging upwards from the chair. As soon as the two women were out of sight, she raced to the coffee cup on the table that Ayukawa had touched with her bare hands. She took a deep breath, and expelled it measuredly. Her hand grappled it. Soko's eyes went black. She could barely hear her aunt in the back of her mind as she swirled through the emotions buried in that glass. She could feel every step of the day, tick-tocking in her head, passing from emotion to emotion: she was living Ayukawa's life through her emotions.

Manami entered the room. As soon as she saw Soko, clinging to the cup she knew what was happening. That blank stare in her eyes, the slight tingle on her skin; she could feel the power of the girl's clairvoyance in the room. She stopped in her tracks. She concentrated hard, reaching out with her mind and shifted the coffee up 90 degrees from nowhere, then made it phase into her palm.

Manami shook herself vigorously.

Soko shot upright. The emotions that raged through her body with the force of a tidal wave were suddenly lost. She could feel the abyss come for her and fought it away, the cold hands of reality gripping her again. It was as if every time she communed, as she called it, the need to stay within someone else's world became deeper. It was a drug to her. A very dangerous and seductive substance that caressed her mind as would a lover.

It took her a moment to remember where she was, and move back to the recliner that gave her some safety from the rest of them, spaced as it was, at the edge of the room, not too close to any door, or any object. Manami smiled at her as she entered the room, and Soko demurred. She could tell that Manami knew what she'd done. Both her aunt and her father had told her never to use the power, and it was so deviously enjoyable that she was inclined to agree, but she'd just had to know. She'd had to know how Ayukawa-sama had felt, even if it meant she was running close to the edge.

------

Ayukawa looked into the mirror, trying to figure out what she was doing, one hand in her hair, pulling it back from her face, and looking directly into her eyes. It had caught her, looking into that mirror, feeling the whole day pass by in front of her eyes; it had caught her and shook her firmly.

She'd found herself here again, in Japan, her homeland, walking the same streets she'd traveled as a girl, then a young woman, and now, fully grown, and still fighting the same battles. Her shoulders fell, her hands dropped to her sides, and she sighed aloud. "Kasuga-kun…"

She pulled away from the mirror and hugged herself, trying to define what it was she was after, and why she was here. She knew the answer. It was as plain as day. Her life had become one long terror, and the only real happiness she could remember had been here in Japan, vying for the attentions of a 17 year-old boy named Kasuga Kyousuke. "Was it that long ago?" she intoned, her heart desperate for an answer.

To find that so much had changed had shocked her. And the easy warmth of Manami had made those changes acceptable. But Soko, sitting there in that chair, asking pointed questions that she knew she had to answer honestly was a bit too much to take. She was only human. She could only do so much, she told herself. But that wasn't enough to quell the ache deep down.

She'd no right to be here, meddling in the lives of those she'd once loved, and lost to her own needy disposition. She couldn't even remember why she'd stayed away. She'd dreamt about him every night for years, until time and distance had won out. So why now, Madoka? she thought. Why come back now, when things are finally settling down for him? What right have I to… to be happy?

In that thought, she was stuck. Was that what it was about? Or was it about chasing a memory? She couldn't tell anymore. She couldn't take the chance, not after all that had happened, and all that would happen if Manami had any notion of her brother's state, which she usually did.

She could feel the tears well up in her, and held her forehead in her hand, as if to push them back. She would hurt him, she could feel it. But if she didn't go through with this, in one moment, her last chance was gone. She couldn't take that chance.

She pushed herself up, straightening her back as she faced herself in the mirror. She tore off a piece of tissue and wiped the signs of tears away then sniffed firmly. "You have to do this, Madoka." she said into the mirror, using her most stern expression. "You can't tear him apart again just because you're a selfish bitch." She snapped, then turned to the door and opened it, making her way on weak knees to the living room, trying to decide how to excuse herself without looking like a complete fool. She could already feel Manami's piercing glare as she blurted some explanation or another, but she didn't even have the chance.

"Kasuga…" she blurted out and she saw him standing in the living room.

------

Sayuri stepped up from the curb where the air-cab had dropped her, her features set in hard lines as she swooped up her bag and threw it over her shoulder. With jaundiced eyes she regarded the small shop, it's visage so familiar, so unchanged that bile rose from her gut. She'd spent long years trying mightily to get away from the place; long years that had left the scars of time around her eyes, and an uneasy churning in her stomach as she forced herself up to the door of the pub.

She pulled the door open, her eyes taking in every small, insignificant detail. Che, she sounded to herself: the place still looks like a damned shrine! Then added spitefully, I'll have to have a little talk with Baka tonight. Can't have him fawning for the damned bitch forever.

Her thoughts were interrupted as a man, no more than eighteen, came up the walk, giving her arse a stare that she could feel through the bones of her body. She glared around at him, giving him the full effect of her practiced vehemence even as a secret thrill raced into her body. She never could get rid of that thrill. It was as ingrained in her as the wrinkled about her eyes and hands. The scars she kept from a long, and tiresome life.

As he collapsed on himself and stepped back a few paces, leaving plenty of room for the more than angry Sayuri, she felt it again -- the electric vibrations of power and authority she felt whenever she met a male she could control with a look. Pitiful, she thought, her sour gaze moving back into the pub.

She caught sight of a young man behind the counter. He was attractive, she decided, but not overly so. And he seemed to have some affinity for women, for he kept looking at her, gauging the mass of her body, and the gentle lines of her form. She instantly responded, her hips moving slowly into their patented 'seduction' position as her eyes began to beat with the veritable lust that she was sure he'd wanted to see.

She cut off a chuckle that rose into her throat as she saw his reaction. He'd turned a bright shade of red, then pulled his eyes, almost forcibly down to the paper that he'd been busying himself with. The light of her humor grew in her eyes as she stepped seductively toward the bar, absently using every bit of her body as a lightening rod of sexual attraction.

"Shimase.." Sayuri cooed as she sat herself down at the counter, and leaned her chest down, giving the boy a full view of her ample chest. "I was wondering..." she continued coyly, twirling a finger in her hair as he all but leaped to her, "if you could tell me where Kasuga-kun is?"

"Oh! Uuuhhh..." he drooled, his eyes caught by the amount of cleavage that invaded his eyes. "I... I..."

A girl popped up beside her, her short, dark hair bouncing with the force of a violent nod, catching Sayuri's attention. "He's not here." she stated flatly, allowing only a tinge of hatred to seethe into her voice.

"Oh?" Sayuri answered, turning her body toward the young woman. This little witch looks more masculine than he does! she mused jovially. I wonder... "Ne?" she queried coyly, looking from boy, then to girl. "Could you tell me where I can find him?" she asked, shifting her chest seductively under the tight-fitting, tan sweater.

The girl shot her a glare, it's composition violent, teeming with rage. "No."

But the boy, "Oh!" said as he smiled, falling right into her trap. "He went to his sister's for dinner." he explained as he turned toward the small desk-space he'd been working at, "I can give you his number, or..."

Sayuri felt she knew what he'd meant by that 'or...' but put it out of her mind as she glared back at the girl. "Oh, thank you!" she smiled mockingly, sure that the girl wouldn't like this. She'd seen too many 'young couples' not to enjoy what would happen afterwards. Surely, it hadn't been a challenge, but it did lighten her spirits. Kasuga wouldn't be that much more hard to handle than the boy had been. "But no," she said as she turned back to the boy, "I'll just go over there."

She could feel the cool glare of the girl hit her back as she got up and swung her bag over her shoulder. Feel the drooling gaze of the young boy as she swayed her hips in their seductive pattern. It might not be that bad, she thought as she pushed her way out the door between two drooling males in business suits: I can install myself within' minutes.

* * *

Chapter 5, the fateful meeting coming soon!  



	5. Chapter 5

**Introduction:**

As always, my thanks to Matsumoto-sama.

**Synopsis:**

What shock will befall Kyousuke after he sees his twenty-two year old flame?

* * *

**To Be A Star**

Chapter 5**  
**

Kyousuke phased into the laundry room on the basement floor of Manami's apartment building. The large, dull concrete floor was bare at this hour, and only one machine ka-chugga-chuggaed along restlessly. He didn't particularly like using his power in the middle of the day, or at all for that matter, but it was better than meeting Hanawa for dinner. He could feel the icey stares he was sure to receive already, and hear the unwanted advice as well.

I don't care how many kids they've raised, he thought. That doesn't give them the right to tell me how to raise mine.

And so, he'd cheated, but just a little, and not that it would hurt anyone, he told himself as he started toward the door, then up the stairs. Two flights he up was already puffing thinking he should really get back on the tennis court some time. He used to be quite good at it, but time and short lunches had given him a spare tire of sorts. Only two more floors to go. No reason to use the elevator now.

Finally there, he knocked on the door and pushed against his knees to catch his breath. The door opened and he raised himself up, brushing dust off his shirt self-consciously. "Domo."

Manami stood in the doorway, searching his face. "Onnichan, are you all right?"

"Hai," he replied, "I took the stairs."

Soko bit back the smart comment she had in mind and greeted her father with a glint in her eye. She knew something he didn't. "Domo, Otoosan!" She positioned herself in the chair so she could see the action that was coming clearly.

"What are you doing here so early?" Manami asked, a little perturbed. She knew how Kyousuke felt about her husband. The two of them always seemed to be at odds.

Kyousuke pushed out a breath and winged it. He'd had no time to come up with a plan. "I… I thought Soko and I would just go out to dinner tonight. We've been over here so much lately that I thought you guys would like some family time."

Manami began to complain, but Kyousuke didn't give her time to. "It's all right." He said. "It's a long time since we've been out and Soko deserves a treat. I was thinking of Mexican food maybe. Does that sound ok, Soko-chan?"

Soko didn't say anything. Her father hated spending money. Well, not really, but it sometimes seemed so.

"Or the Ambassador." He offered, trying not to look to pleading, or worry too much. He could put it on his credit card. It would be worth it.

"Kasuga…"

An electric fire danced up Kyousuke's spine. He knew that voice. He'd heard it every day since she left for America. He'd heard it on the wind, in the street, on the strings of his heart. It was always there with him. But this was real.

He turned to look, but couldn't believe what he saw. "Masaka… Ayukawa."

She demurred instantly, then berated herself and tossed her hair back. Her features remembered the feeling. For an instant, she was seventeen again. "Kasuga-kun, it's good to see you, but why don't you want to stay for dinner?" she asked, crossing the room to her coat on the couch and sat.

For a moment, Kyousuke couldn't breathe. His heart wouldn't beat, and his mind wouldn't work. He just stood there, like some dumb wall, mute and solid. He blinked, and in that instant his life ran before him. All that pain, all that anguish. Raising Soko alone. Waiting for something that would never happen. Waiting for her to come back for twenty-two years. Not even a word. His eyes narrowed and he looked right through her, his face steely, "What are you doing in Japan?"

She couldn't guess how he felt. She couldn't see past the expression, but Manami knew. She could feel temperature of the room change. She'd expected something like this, and in a way, was proud of her brother. He'd been hurt, he had a right to be mad. But she wasn't quite sure this was best. She wanted to interfere, and opened her mouth to do so, but wasn't sure if it was really the right thing to do. It might be best to leave him disabused.

"I… I was here checking a venue for a concert and thought I'd stop by." Ayukawa said feebly, unable to look at him as she lied. Uncomfortable silence filled the room, and she started to fidget, looking in her coat pockets for her cigarettes to give her some time to think. Stupid, Madoka, she thought, why not just say why you're here?

"A concert in Japan after twenty-two years? You think you could draw a big crowd here still?"

The words cut deeply. "Actually," she said, tossing her hair to the side. "I pulled a full house in Kyoto four years ago." She drew out a cigarette from the pack and lit it, expelling the smoke as if an arrow. "I can't imagine that much has changed."

Kyousuke crossed his arms and inspected the ceiling, " I know, I was there."

Why the hell DID I come here, Ayukawa thought. What was I thinking? That nothing would change? That he would just run into my arms and we'd be seventeen again? She sighed, then began to gather her things.

Soko was stunned silent. She thought he'd at least be nice to her. He worshiped her. WTF? "Otoosan, Ayukawa-sama was saying that she was staying in a hotel and I told her that we still have the apartment above the shop, and that she could stay there if she wanted to while she was in town. You know, it'd be just like old times, ne, having her around the AaBaCaBu?" Kyousuke shot his daughter an icy stare. "Well, it'd be good for business wouldn't it?" she said, bunching her hands up in her skirt, a nervous habit she had.

Manami chimed in, not sure why. "Sure, it would be great. You're always saying how bad business is. It would be great, ne Ayukawa-san?" she pleaded, her eyes budging Ayukawa.

Ayukawa expelled another cloud of smoke. Then tapped her ashes.

"I'm not sure if that's such a good idea." The both of them said in unison, then exchanged glares.

"Well, I think it's a good idea." Soko chimed defensively, and earned a cold look. She stuck her tongue out at her father, who was now consternated.

Why do you have to be so difficult, Soko, he thought.

Before the situation erupted, Manami interjected, "Listen, before you decide against it, why don't the two of you go out to dinner and talk about it. You were planning to anyway, and Soko can have dinner with us. We won't mind a bit."

Kyousuke hmmphed. He couldn't think of one thing he wanted to talk to Ayukawa about. No, he could think of a million things he wanted to talk to her about, but that wasn't the point.

Manami could see that she wasn't getting anywhere. She changed her tact. "Could I speak to you in the kitchen, Oniichan? Just for a second?"

Ayukawa turned away. Kyousuke shrugged his shoulders gruffly. "Sure, why not?" He couldn't believe he was being suckered into following Manami into her own kitchen.

Once the door was closed, she lit into him. Well, almost.

Manami crossed her arms, then tapped her lip with her index finger trying to decide what to say. "Oniichan," she began. "you have the right to be angry, but think about Soko. It would be good for her to have someone like Ayukawa-san to look up to."

"Look up to? A smoker?" he replied firmly.

Manami nodded, accepting the point. "Then think of it this way. What was your gross last month at the AaBaCaBu?"

"They were enough." His voice was like steel.

Manami sighed. "You know, I remember how crushed you were when she left. Everyone does. But that doesn't mean you have the right to take it out on me." She said as she eyed him cruelly.

Kyousuke demurred. She knew where to hit him.

"You can be mad at her all you want to." She stated. "But don't you owe her at least a chance to explain?"

Kyousuke nodded in agreement, beaten. "I guess you're right."

------

Ayukawa's eyes followed him out the door into the kitchen. She couldn't pry her eyes off his back. Why had she said that? He was here, he was what she wanted, and all she could do was abuse him. She sighed and her head fell into her hand. She puffed at her cigarette, and sniffed, trying to find her breath. She couldn't believe she was here. She wasn't even sure why any more if he hated her, as he must after twenty-two long years and what sounded like a very bad marriage. But that hadn't been her fault. He couldn't blame that on her! He'd made that choice. She'd had nothing to do with it!

"That's right." She said aloud without realizing it, and grabbed up her coat. She sat there for a moment, staring at that half-pack of cigarettes. In a moment her decision was made. "Tell Manami-chan I'll get her another pack, okay?" She snapped them up and threw on her coat, then started walking toward the door.

With her hand on the doorknob she turned back to the girl. "It was good to meet you Soko-chan." She smiled, then hesitated. "Tell your dad…"

Soko was at the edge of her chair, her palms gripping the edges of the recliner. Her body buzzed with the emotional charge of the room. "You're not leaving are you?"

Ayukawa smiled thinly. I have to, she said in her mind, he doesn't want me. But she couldn't say that out loud. That would have been too close to admitting the awful truth she'd feared for so long. She hadn't stayed away because she'd wanted to be alone. She'd stayed away because he hadn't come after her. "I… I have to get back to the hotel. I've got a couple calls to make."

Manami entered the room at that moment with Kyousuke following like a shamed dog behind her. "You're ready? Good! I think the Ambassador is a good choice, don't you?" she said, guiding Ayukawa with her will as she went to the woman and took her arm.

Ayukawa demurred, "I'm not so sure it's a good idea. I… I have to call my agent and…"

Manami smiled glowingly. "Why, how convenient, you can call him on the way, and then the two of you can have a nice dinner together and just talk, talk, talk about staying with us for a while." She said, digging her fingers into Ayukawa's arm slightly, then slip the woman's arm into Kyousuke's.

Ayukawa wasn't stupid. She knew she was caught. And being here so close, touching him, was too much for her. She couldn't suspend her ire anymore. It just kind of dissipated within one touch. The both of them looked at where they'd touched, then blushed slightly. She felt hot and heady, like a child in the sun, running full out through a field, chasing the blossoms as they blew away.

Soko could barely contain herself as she relaxed into the chair as Kyousuke pushed himself forward towards the door, admonishing Soko to be good. "I uh… I'll be back later to pick you up."

"Don't worry about it, Otoosan." She said, jumping up out of the chair to get the door for the two of them. "I can just walk from here. It's not too far."

"That's right," Manami chimed in. "I'll have Hanawa-san walk her home just in case."

Kyousuke smirked. "Well, all right, but go straight home after dinner. No excuses. You have homework tonight." He found himself saying. Even at his most vulnerable, he was still a father, he thought. He hoped he was a good one. But that thought, like all else, vanished as he went out the door, with Ayukawa in tow.

"Have a good time!"

The two of them walked dumbly to the elevator, then rode it down to the lobby, and walked out the door. They existed in a daze, not really sure they were walking at all, not speaking, not really aware of where they were. There was so much to be said, neither one of them knew where to start.

"Oi, Kasuga!" Komatsu chimed, waving to him and ran up to the two. In an instant, the both of them disengaged themselves and short their arms to their sides.

"Ah, Komatsu-kun. How are you?" he said, catching himself from falling into the abyss.

"Pretty good. Just coming back from work. Don't forget, next week is the film festival." He chided.

Kyousuke nodded, and Ayukawa tried to blend into the background. "I remember. Are you going to make us all watch Rocky Horror again this year?"

Komatsu laughed. "Are you going to make everyone watch that Ayukawa film again too?"

They both laughed. They each knew the other well.

Komatsu waited a tense moment to be introduced to Kyousuke's date, but when he didn't mention, or motion to her, he got the point fairly well. "Well, I better get home. It's hamburger steak night and I don't want to miss the preliminaries!" he said with a wink. He took off and waved at the couple as he headed for the door. A cab was pulling up to the building as he called back, "See you!"

Kyousuke turned to her for a moment, then bowed slightly. "I didn't know if you wanted to be recognized, I'm sorry."

"Oh, oh no." Ayukawa replied. "That's okay."

He offered his arm to her again, and she slipped a hand beneath it hesitantly. The could both feel the tension, and neither one of them was sure that they wanted to stop feeling it.

Kyousuke began to relax as they walked. Ayukawa, her mind sputtering and starting, couldn't think of a thing to say. "Do… Do you mind if I smoke?" she queried, then cursed herself.

"I don't mind." Kyousuke said, trapped in his own thoughts.

She fished for a cigarette, then fumbled in her pockets for a lighter. It was then she remembered the pack of matches, sitting there on the coffee table. She chortled mirthlessly. "Well, I guess not. I don't have a lighter. I left my matches on the coffee table."

"Oh." Kyousuke said, glad to be able to say anything, then began to concentrate. "On the coffee table you said?"

"Yeah."

A quick twist, a pull, and a shift. He pulled the small pack out of his pocket and handed it to her. "Here you go."

Ayukawa smiled up at him, then took the small orange pack as they walked along the road listlessly. "How did you know?"

He shrugged.

He does care, she thought, and stuffed the cigarette and the matches back into her pocket. For a moment, just that moment, she felt she could fly.

He looked down to her as they came up to the restaurant. "Are you sure you don't want to smoke? We can wait outside for a few minutes and let you finish. They don't let you smoke inside." He said apologetically.

"No." she said, pulling his arm closer to her. "I'm fine now."

He smiled softly, and led her inside. He'd forgotten how she made him feel.

------

Sayuri rang the bell, then banged on the door, pushing her hands back into her leather bomber jacket. She couldn't believe she had to put up with his damn family just to see him. It was insulting. She was the one who was married to him, wasn't she? Why should she have to put up with their crap just because she needed a little cash?

The door opened and she readied herself for a verbal, and nonverbal fight and was caught aghast.

"Mama? What are you doing here?"

* * *

Will Sayuri ruin their date? What if they can't get along? Find out in Chapter 6! 


	6. Chapter 6

**Introduction:**

As always, my thanks to Matsumoto-sama.

**Synopsis:**

Can they build a flame from the embers of their relationship? Will they find the love they shared among what they've each become?**  
**

* * *

**To Be A Star**

Chapter 6

The Ambassador was _the_ restaurant and hotel in Tokyo. Built in a post-modern style, all forms were simplified and sharp. The furniture of the foyer looked comfortable, but exact and dedicated to function. The place had an air of precision and calm style that had always appealed to Ayukawa. She could remember the first time she had been here with her parents on a 'Power Lunch' of sorts. Her father and mother were interviewing with a symphony and she had been invited along. Her older sister had been too much of a teenager to come along, and too busy to watch her during that day. She could still feel how that day went. Sometimes, when she came here, she still felt that way: awestruck and unsure. She felt that way today.

They entered through the hotel lobby and found their way to the restaurant and bar that had become the place of choice for high-powered business meetings during the day. At night it was something quite different. The quiet style of the place was subdued. The edge of transaction was lost and there was a soothing, exhausted air of the people there. The dining area itself had always been extravagant. White and chrome were the major colors with splashes of cadmium, sienna, ochre in the art on the walls. The chairs themselves were pristine works of form, not art. They looked both comfortable and stylish. Both polished and exacting, but serenely ready to serve. The staff, with that same odd mix of contempt and servitude (the perfect form) that you found among the better restaurants around the world, worked like a well-tuned machine.

Kyousuke looked about, and Ayukawa slipped a hand through his arm, as if to assure herself that she was still breathing. The place was inspiring. The maitre 'd flowed back to them with a smile on his handsome face. "Ah, Mr. Kasuga." He said in English. "So wonderful to see you, sir."

"Yuu-kun! I was hoping you'd be here this evening. Could you find us a table?"

"Certainly, Kyousuke-san." He said, then jibed the man. "But it will be a few moments. We're a little overbooked this evening. I'm breaking in Miwa-san on reservations and maitre 'd and she's simply too helpful."

"Glad to hear she's moving up. It's so hard to find people with the right character to work the front. I thought she had what it takes." Kyousuke said. Ayukawa didn't miss a word.

Yuu-kun smiled greatly and gripped the man's arm. "I'll never find another you, though, Kasuga-kun. I couldn't tempt you to come back, could I?"

Kyousuke demurred, "That's sweet of you, Yuu-kun, but I'm sure Miwa-san can manage. The shop is doing fairly well, but I wouldn't rule it out, though." He laughed nervously, then caught himself abruptly. "Forgive me, Yuu-kun." He began, gesturing to Ayukawa. "This is… an old friend of mine."

"Ah," Yuu's eyes grew wide and he bowed deeply. "Ayukawa-san, you are always welcome here at The Ambassador."

Ayukawa stepped back slightly, a little startled to be recognized. "Thank you." She mumbled numbly.

"Not to worry," Yuu smiled conspiratorially. "Your identity is safe with us. We have a number of clients who don't wish to be noticed." She eased somewhat, and Kyousuke smiled. "Please, follow me to the bar and I'll see you're taken care of."

'The Bar' turned out to be something rather different than the restaurant even though it carried the same theme rather well. But a 'bar' it was not. Ayukawa knew this, because she'd been in many a bar and none of them had looked like this. The ceiling was 20 feet tall and the trim was sparse and painted, then silver-foiled to bring out the clean, specific lines of the room. The furniture was pleasantly tall, and angular. The bar itself was tall, and round, curving from one wall to the next and about 25 feet long taking up a full quarter of the room. It was all shockingly white and clean. A 'bar' it was not.

Yuu seated them at a small bistro table with a chrome top covered with tulle. The stools themselves were what could have been described as art deco, but that would have been wrong. They were beautiful, true, and well crafted and looked it, but they were not heavy, or bulky, but angular, with a soft protruding radius on the chromed and white suede padded back. Ayukawa thought again as she sat and Yuu left them. No, she'd been in a lot of places, but this, this was a bar.

"I'm sorry." Kyousuke smiled. "This place is a little hard to take, and Yuu's memory for faces can be a little disconcerting. I should have warned you."

His apology was soft but slightly kidding, and she rose to the occasion. She laughed and raised her eyebrows slightly, "You could say that, yes."

Kyousuke relaxed. He hadn't thought about it before they got here but as soon as he saw Yuu he'd been worried about how she'd react. "Don't worry. Yuu-kun is discreet to the point of obstinate. The Prime Minister was here with his Mistress last week, and that table over there is Michael Paulo's when he's in town, but no one will ever know it from Yuu-kun."

"Oh really?" she chided. "Then how would you know?"

He blushed a little and confessed, his eyes to the table. "I help out here every once in a while when Yuu-kun needs it."

Ayukawa cringed. She knew from what little she'd heard that things were bad, but it hadn't quite been real to her at the moment. "Oh." She didn't know what to say, and the silence was numbing.

"I used to work here as the manager and maitre' d for Yuu and Miki. They bought the place from the hotel when the Ambassador switched management." Kyousuke explained as he signaled a waitress. She floated to them. "Miwa-san, could you do me a favor and get the lady an ashtray? And bring me a J&B, please?"

"I don't know. The boss doesn't like it when you drink." She chided, grinning widely. She was a small girl, petite in form with very round, large blue eyes and brownish-blonde hair. It was that in-between color that you saw everywhere but never noticed. She wore it pulled back into a loose pony tail with wisps escaping here and there about her face. It suited her, Ayukawa thought, and instantly liked her and the soft shadow it gave to her face. Ayukawa thought she was rather pretty, with her moon-shaped face and bright eyes. She looked sturdy rather than pretty.

Kyousuke grinned back at the woman. It wasn't fair to call her a girl, although she looked young enough to be one. But the fact was she was the most competent of all the help that he'd found for Yuu.

"And you, Miss? I take it you'll be wanting something suitably strong if you have to be with this lecher this evening."

Ayukawa grinned, then eyed Kyousuke. There was quite a lot she didn't know about him now. "I don't know, what would you suggest? Is he likely to take advantage of me if I let myself get out of sorts?"

The woman winked at her, "But that's the fun of it, dear. Although, to be honest with you, you might try plying him with liquor. He's steadfastly devoted to an ideal, you see."

"Oh, is that right? Well, make his a double, and I'd better have the same. Can't have a seduction with inhibitions, can we?"

The two women laughed together for a moment, and Kyousuke turned slightly rouge. Miwa glided away after depositing a square glass bowl that seemed to glint and shine fantastically for the simple form it was.

"There seems to be a lot I don't know about you." She teased quietly as she drew out a cigarette and lit it.

"Oh, don't pay any attention to Miwa. She's always needling me for leaving." He said with a waft of his hand.

Miwa returned almost as suddenly as she'd left, placing drinks at each place. "I've spiked it for you, dear. Please let me know if it works. I've been trying to get this one to notice me for years. I'll be glad to find that he's actually human."

Ayukawa laughed. "Thank you, I will."

Kyousuke was looking shocked and slightly hurt. "Now, that's not quite true." He said, putting the record straight. "I know for a fact that she's had a relationship with a young man for some time."

Ayukawa stuck her tongue out. "Ha, I bet. Denying that poor young girl her chance because of your idyllic visions. I don't blame her for getting a little frustrated now and then."

Kyousuke shifted slightly, then chuckled softly.

Ayukawa could sense that she'd said too much, and cursed herself. The easy air of the place, the warm, comfortable surroundings with him. She'd relaxed and hadn't been aware of it. He'd always had that affect on her. With him she felt she could be who she was and he wouldn't laugh. And with that old feeling came the same tension. She wanted to be here, but wasn't sure how to actually do that.

Kyousuke crossed his legs and took a sip from his drink. "Ayukawa?" he asked, then said the name again and looked to her to be sure she was really there, "Why didn't you come back?"

Ayukawa was silent. She wasn't prepared to answer that question. She knew the answer, but she still couldn't say it to him. It would be risking too much.

He demurred. "I'm sorry. That's unfair of me. You had your career to think about. Your future. I don't have the right to ask you that."

Damn it all, she thought. That hurt. "Stop that." She hissed. "I hate it when you do that."

Neither one of them had changed.

She sighed, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. It's just that when you start to be all noble and kind and good I just get a little ferocious because I know myself too well. I can't be that kind of person. I never could be. Hell, I couldn't even control myself for a friend."

A little anger tempted his voice. "I've never asked you to be anything you weren't. All I asked you to be was you. I…" he said, and tried to continue, but he couldn't. Some things need not be said.

She pulled half the drink into her and lit another cigarette. "No, you just acted like I was perfect when everyone knew I wasn't."

He was already angry. Angry at the last 22 years. He shouldn't have said it, he knew that, but couldn't stop himself now. "Well, you're not perfect any more, are you?"

It cut her to hear him say it. What the hell was she doing here, anyway? "I'm leaving. I'm tired, and I have to call my agent." She began as she gathered her things.

Her words scraped against him and he reached out and caught her hand, facing her directly as she grabbed at her cigarettes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Please, let's just have a pleasant dinner. For old time's sake. I won't even speak if you don't want me to." She always did this to him. She was what he wanted and he knew it. She could turn him to jelly in a moment and that is precisely what she did. He had no will when he was with her. It had been consumed by her.

She couldn't pull her hand away. His touch was too real. It's not as if she wanted to either. It felt like she was alive when he touched her. It felt like they were the only two there. She sat back sullenly in her chair, defeated by her own emotions.

"I'm sorry." He continued, releasing her hand. "It's just that, when you left, you took me with you, and I've never be complete since. And when you didn't come back, I just stopped trying to be alive. It wasn't until I had Soko-chan to think about that life meant something to me again. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I took it out on you. Whatever decisions I made, I made for me, and you're not to blame."

She sighed. "Oh, Kyousuke. I wanted to come back. Don't you think I wanted that?" she pleaded with him with her eyes. His were blankly awestruck. She couldn't read what they said to her. "My career was running wild and my life was shot. I didn't even know who I was anymore, and by the time I'd found out I wasn't the same person you knew. I couldn't bear to let you see me that way, or anyone." What the hell was she saying? Why couldn't she stop? "When my parents died and the movie started filming I was lost. And I met him and he was so much like you, and I missed you so badly. And… and I needed someone."

She looked right at him, gripping the table-top fiercely, "I'm sorry, all right! It happened and I can't change it, so stop looking at me like I've killed you! And stop acting so goddamned noble!"

She looked around her as the gentle hum of the voices in the bar came to a quiet stop and sat back self-consciously. She cleaned her glass, as did he and they sat for a quiet moment.

"Soko-chan seems to like you very much." He said softly. "Manami always did and she is too much like her aunt." He continued remotely. "I guess it's my fault for leaving her with them for so long when she was young, but I had to work, and couldn't be there as much as I should have been."

Curiosity got the better of Ayukawa and she asked carefully, "Did you really marry Sayuri?"

Kyousuke laughed softly, staring down into his glass. "Yes. After … I went on a little binge. I met up with her in Hokkaido doing a shoot. She was doing shots for a magazine cover and we just kind of went from there. After we had Soko-chan she got bored with us and left. I knew it was coming but there wasn't much I could do. I'd thought that Soko would have changed things between us but she didn't."

Ayukawa smiled softly, the both of them quiet as Miwa carefully replaced their drinks. Once the girl was gone she murmured, "I'm sorry."

Kyousuke shook his head. "I got Soko." He shrugged. "As you got time to find yourself. Things work out, just not the way we plan them to most times."

Ayukawa nodded dumbly. "Kyousuke." She began.

He took a drink and nodded solemnly, "Un."

Her fingers played with the pack of cigarettes on the table as she spoke, "Can we… can we just start over?"

He put down his glass and reached out to her. "I think so. We can try."

With his hand on hers, she smiled. "Just like we were."

He smiled. "I've missed you so much."

"As I you." She said, and leaned over the table as he leaned inward. Their lips touched softly and for that one moment it had all been worth the pangs. She had that feeling again, and he was lighter than air.

As they parted the bar erupted in cheers and clapping. Both of them turned bright red and Ayukawa excused herself to go to the restroom. When she returned they were shown to their table and enjoyed each other's company with flair for the first time in 22 years.

------

Miwa lounged in the kitchen smoking a cigarette as she peered through the trapezoidal frosted glass portal. She could see the two of them at their table in the dining room laughing together and was stunned, even a little sad. "So that's her."

"I think so." Said a voice from behind her, startling the woman into dropping her cigarette.

She demurred as she picked it up. "I'm sorry Yuu, I'll put it out."

Yuu wafted the care aside as he peered out through the small transparent border of the portal. "It's okay."

Miwa frowned. "Do you think she'll stick around this time?" Everyone in the restaurant knew why Kyousuke couldn't see other women clearly, they'd just never learned the person who'd caused it. And now that Miwa knew, she wasn't quite sure how to handle it. What chance did she have against a pop star?

Yuu smiled grimly, "I don't know. Idols aren't known for loyalty."

A frown curled up on Miwa's brow. She closed her eyes and pushed out a breath. "Well, it doesn't matter does it? Sayuri's back too. Manami called while they were in the bar."

Yuu caught the gesture's gravity finally, "Are you… ?"

Miwa glared at him angrily, "Don't be silly." She said as she turned and left. "I have to get back to work. The bar's still pretty crowded."

Yuu watched her go and wondered why he hadn't figured it out earlier as Miwa passed Miki with a wave. "What's going on? Is it true that Kyousuke brought a date?"

Yuu smiled and kissed her, then pointed through the glass at the laughing couple. "Look for yourself."

Miki almost bounced up and down as she saw the pair. "Waa! Is that who I think it is?"

Yuu smiled at his diminutive wife. "Yes, it is."

"I KNEW it!" she hissed with a grin.

But Yuu wasn't sharing her joy. He was looking at Miwa's back while she worked her way through the kitchen and into the bar. "Did you know that Miwa has feelings for him?"

Miki looked at him, awestruck. "Didn't you?"

"No, since when?"

"Doesn't surprise me." She said flatly. "You were always a little slow with women's feelings." She jibed.

He grinned at her and wrapped an arm around her. "Well I certainly seemed to understand it when I caught your heart."

She smiled up to him and kissed him softly. Sometimes it's best to let them keep their illusions, she thought.

* * *

Michael Paulo was a studio saxophonist in both the US and Japan during the mid to late 80's and some thing that it is he who did the recordings attributed to Ayukawa during the TV series. His albumn 'Heart and Soul', most notably the title track is amazingly similar in both tone and form to Ayukawa's 'Ayukawa in Blue'. For those who love the saxophone, I can heartily recommend his work.

What will happen now that the two lovers have finally come to an understanding? Find out soon!


	7. Chapter 7

** Introduction: **

As always, my thanks to Matsumoto-sama.

** Synopsis: **

What does Sayuri have up her sleeve? What will Kyousuke do when she finds her back in town?

* * *

**To Be A Star**

Chapter 7

The lights of the city had come up around them as they had been in the restaurant enjoying their first dinner together after 22 years. Hours had gone by and yet it hadn't felt to either of them as if any time at all had passed. They walked together slowly as the exited the restaurant. Ayukawa found his arm and rested a hand on it, cuddling her fingers up against his warmth. The alcohol had made her brave, and the night had made her joyous. And when he looked to her and smiled, she felt like it was a dream that she did not want to end.

"You don't mind staying at the Abcb?" he said solicitously, drunk with her touch.

She smiled and shook her head softly. "No, I don't mind. But if it still has that old lumpy sofa I might ask for the loan of a futon."

He laughed and nodded. "I… I wanted to keep it just the way it was."

Her heart was alive.

It took only a few minutes to return to the place of their youth in a bus. As they pulled up and departed, Kyousuke held the door for her. Out of the corner of his eye he caught it. It was old and in bad need of paint, but it was still there. "Ayukawa." he almost sighed. "Do you remember? That first night we worked together?" he said, moving to the bench and glancing a hand over the back of it.

"Un." she smiled and nodded as she walked to it and sat down as if to test the fit. "It doesn't seem like so long ago now." Her eyes were glazed over with memory as he sat beside her and relaxed back into the seat to stare up at the stars.

"It feels like yesterday." He agreed. "Hikaru went off on a trip, and my family was in Hokkaido." He chuckled, "I'd chased you around all day checking on you because she'd said she'd seen you with an older man at a hotel."

The irony struck her and she began to laugh. "You did, did you?" she asked jovially. "And what did this older man look like?"

"Oh, he was a big man, with a pimply face, sunglasses and huge lips!" he chortled. "Like that time when Kurumi disappeared with Komatsu's older brother!"

She laughed out loud, then calmed to a quiet and rested her head on his shoulder. "At least I finally get to sleep at your place." She ginned, almost with a sigh.

His arms came around her and his heart began to thump in his chest. "It's so good to have you back."

"Hmm…" she sighed. "It's so good to be back, Kasuga-kun."

"Hey you two!" a voice snapped from behind them, giving the both of them a start. "I'm just on my way back from dropping off Soko-chan." Manami said with a smile, nodding to Kyousuke. "Oniichan, can I talk to you for a minute?"

The both of them blushed when they saw who it was and bowed slightly. Ayukawa dug herself out of the warm embrace that threatened to take over her senses. "Hi, Manami-chan."

Kyousuke stood, a little annoyed, "What is it Manami-chan?"

The woman nudged him fervently, her voice still smiling painfully. "Oh, nothing, just need to talk to you about Soko-chan's homework."

"Eh?" Kyousuke responded, dumbfounded as he allowed himself to be led away slightly.

Ayukawa looked to them as the moved aside and smiled to him somewhat self-consciously. She could guess what they were talking about, and she couldn't really blame Manami, but it did come as a bit of a shock. She was here now wasn't she? She wasn't going anywhere.

Kyousuke shrugged off his sister's hand and faced her bluntly, "What is it?"

Manami stepped closer to keep her voice low. "Sayuri is back." She hissed.

"What?" was the only response he could muster.

Manami nodded and continued. "She's in the Abcb, upstairs. She came by my house right after the two of you left and got into it with Soko-chan. I asked her to leave, but she said she wasn't going anywhere until she talked to you. I told her to go to the Abcb and that you'd meet her there later. I tried to call the Ambassador but Miwa said you weren't there."

"But…" Kyousuke began but thought better of it. Miwa couldn't stand the woman. He owed her one for not spoiling his evening with Ayukawa. But still, it would have helped to get some advance notice.

"Oniichan, I don't think it would be a very good idea to let Madoka-san see Sayuri." Manami said, making her point clear.

"Right." He said, then again. "Right," as if to shock himself out of the new crisis. "Can she stay with you this evening?" he almost pleaded.

"Who, Sayuri? No fucking way!" Manami spat back.

Kyousuke grumbled. Where Sayuri was concerned Manami simply was not reasonable. She hated the woman with a passion. "Not what I meant. Can Ayukawa stay with you this evening?"

Manami responded wide-eyed, "Oh, ok. Sure."

Kyousuke thought for a moment and replied automatically, "Good, good." Just dump her on Manami? He thought. No, that's no good. Sayuri can wait, damn it. But then, she is my wife, he said to himself as he chewed his lip, caught in indecision.

Ayukawa had gotten up from the bench and started toward them. Manami gave her brother a shot to his arm.

"Ow!"

"Hmmm!" Manami replied and darted her eyes toward an approaching Ayukawa.

"Is anything wrong?" she asked.

Kyousuke shot around to face her with a smile and a nervous chuckle. "No, no! It's just that… that Manami-chan says that Mackey said he saw a tabloid photographer hanging around, and we can't have you caught out if you want to lay low, so Manami was thinking that you could stay at her place tonight, just to be safe, and tomorrow we can move you in to the Abcb properly and we won't have to worry about a photographer catching you going into a compromising position with somebody like me." He blurted out in one quick spew as soon as the story came into his head. He'd never been a good liar and knew that Ayukawa would see right through it.

"Oh." She said simply, as Manami nodded emphatically.

"That's right," Manami continued. "It just wouldn't do to have all that publicity for you right now."

Ayukawa smirked, "Well, I suppose you're right. And if they're here, they're probably at my hotel already." She said, not sure whether or not it really mattered.

"Great!" said Kyousuke, shaking his hands in front of him. "Well, then I'll see you tomorrow. I'll call you, ok? But… but not too early so you can sleep in a little."

Ayukawa nodded uncertainly, "Oohkay."

Kyousuke nodded and started off, calling over his shoulder. "Good, then I'll see you tomorrow then. Ja ne!"

Ayukawa waved to him, a little disconcerted as to what was going on, although the nagging feeling that she'd just been dumped rather than expose Kyousuke to more pain was quite evident. "Ja ne."

Manami grabbed Ayukawa's hands and pulled herself to the woman. "We'll have so much fun talking about old times. I can put you in Yukie's room. No, that's no good. You can sleep in… no. Well, we'll figure something out, right?"

Ayukawa nodded dimly. "Right." As she watched Kyousuke run across the street she fought hard not to feel as if she'd just been deserted after one beautiful night after 22 years.

------

Kyousuke arrived at the Abcb within minutes. She was there all right, sitting at the edge of the bar sipping something that was probably alcoholic and looking like she didn't like any of it. He breathed out, straightened his shoulders, set his face, and spoke. "What are you doing here?"

She turned to him and her posture changed automatically. She reminded him of a chameleon. Her quick, precise response never failed and was always suitably manipulative. She simply was guile. "Why darling! What a way to greet your wife! And after four years no less!"

She got up and put her arms around him, kissing him softly on his cheek. He could smell the liquor on her. Well, he thought, I've been drinking too. That didn't mean… but checked himself as she detached herself from him when he didn't respond. With Sayuri it always meant trouble.

"I said," he replied, trying to avoid Ryuu and Mackey's stare. They'd never met Sayuri. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, how cruel of you." She replied coyly, sitting back down on her stool and finding her drink with a waft. "Can't I drop in to say hi after all our years together?"

He huffed. "Sayuri…"

"Oh all right." She sighed, and finished the glass. "I need a place to stay for a little while."

"What did you do? Rob a bank?" he replied flatly.

She turned on him and glared. "Really darling, there's no reason to be insulting." She turned again and continued meekly, "Rei threw me out and I've no place to go."

"How quaint." He smirked.

She slithered up to him and played with his collar. "Come on, darling. Didn't I mean anything to you? I thought we had something. I thought you loved me. After all, you thought enough of me to make me your wife once."

Kyousuke balked. He wanted to be stubborn. He wanted to be firm, but she knew which buttons to push. "All right, all right, but only for tonight. You have to be out in the morning."

She smiled and jumped from her stool quickly. "I'll just get my things."

Kyousuke installed her in the apartment while she looked about and judged the surroundings. "Really dear, I thought by now that you'd have gotten some new furniture."

"It still works." He said noncommittally.

"And by the way, you're doing a wonderful job raising our daughter. Why, the little tart has no respect for me at all." She said, trying to make conversation in the way she always did.

"You have to earn respect." He replied acerbically.

She raised an eyebrow as she dumped her bag on the old lumpy sofa. "I see your conversation skills haven't improved in four years."

Kyousuke shook his head. "Just remember, out tomorrow, okay?"

He turned for the stairs and she called to him, "But won't you stay with me for a few minutes? I get so lonely without you." She sighed coquettishly.

He stopped and softened slightly, then straightened his back. She was his wife. "Oyasumi Sayuri. Sleep well."

She smiled as he said it and left. She could always count on him to be a sucker. "Ah, Sayuri-sama, you've still got it."

------

Kyousuke asked Ryuu and Mackey to lock up and started for home. He was still trying to figure out what to do when he slid the key into the lock at his apartment. Soko's shoes were there at the foyer, and he stared at them and thought for a moment, remembering Manami's description of Soko's encounter with her mother. He grimaced and pulled his own shoes off, trying to figure out this new problem.

"Soko!" he called out. There was no answer.

He breathed out heavily. He knew what that meant.

He found her in her room, knees pulled to her chest as she sat in her desk-chair, ear-buds in and the sound turned up so loud he could hear it from her doorway. Yelling did no good when she was in one of her moods. He walked up and tapped her on her shoulder as he sat down on the edge of her desk. As she turned he noticed her eyes were reddened and puffy. She pulled her ear-buds out and folded her hands into the long tails of her Marmalade Boy bed-shirt.

"I heard you had a run-in with your mother." He said, opening the ways of communication.

"She's not my mother," Soko replied. "She's just some woman that sort of looks like me."

"Now Soko." Kyousuke began.

Soko stared up at him wide-eyed. "She's not!"

"Yes," Kyousuke replied, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "she is. Whether you like it or not, she's still your mother."

"But…" she retorted, then stared straight down into her lap. "But she's such a bitch."

Kyousuke almost laughed. Instead he chided her softly.

"But it's true! Every time we get settled she comes in and wrecks our lives! And now…"Soko began.

"And now?"

Soko demurred and shrugged. "Ayukawa-san's here."

"Ayukawa-san is just a friend." He said.

She grinned and wrapped the cord of her ear-buds around her fingers. "That's not what Miwa-san said."

Kyousuke caught himself, a little startled. "What."

She smiled up at him and drummed the ear-buds together over her finger. "I called the restaurant. Miwa-san said you kissed Ayukawa-san right in the middle of the restaurant and everybody applauded."

Kyousuke grunted painfully. The women in his life were going to be the death of him, he just knew it. "Well, Ayuakawa and I are a little more than friends, but that still doesn't mean…"

She cut him off. "Doesn't it though? I like her."

Kyousuke grimaced. "It's not that simple, Soko. You know that."

She nodded grudgingly, "I know, I know. 'I married your mother and your mother needs help, and marriages are for forever.'"

"That's right." He said, but even he had a hard time believing it. This wasn't the first time Sayuri had dropped into their lives. She usually caused enough pain to last a lifetime then dropped right back out. "Now, it's bedtime. Come on. You've got school tomorrow and I've got work. Did you get your studying done?"

She grimaced. "No, I was too upset."

He smiled softly and patted her head. "I'll go over it with you in the morning then. Come on, let's get some sleep." He kissed her forehead and whispered, "Oyasumi."

She smiled at him, still somewhat sad. "Night Papa."

He got up to leave, and thought better of it. "You know, it's been a long time since I really loved your mother. And I know it's tough for you to accept what we have to do. She's hurt the both of us quite a lot and that's not easy to live with."

"Papa…"

"Listen," he began, and took her hand in his. "When I was your age, I didn't even know my mother. It was very hard, having to find what life was like without one. I never wanted you to live that way, and I'm sorry it turned out like this. But she still is a mother, even if she may be a bad one."

Soko shrugged sadly, "I know. I'm sorry, Papa. She just makes me so mad."

"It's all right. Just remember. We may have to put up with her every once in a while, but we don't have to let her get our goat."

She got up and hugged him and they said goodnight.

Kyousuke couldn't sleep, but that he was used to.

------

Ayukawa watched as Manami busily picked the toys off the bed and arranged it comfortably for the woman. "I can stay in the hotel. It's ok."

"I wouldn't hear of it, Madoka-san." Manami replied while she worked the pillows up into a fluffy cloud. "My door is always open for you, you know that."

"Thank you, Manami-chan." She said, then worked up her courage to ask the question that was really on her mind. "What happened this evening? Is it Soko-chan? Is she worried?" She decidedly did not say what Soko might be worried about but the both of them knew.

Manami turned and smiled with her back perfectly straight. "Oh, not at all. We were just worried about the photographers, that's all."

"Manami-chan, please." Ayukawa pleaded. "I know this is… difficult."

Manami sighed and sat down on the bed and patted the spot next to her. "Ok. Come on, sit down."

Ayukawa moved towards the bed warily and sat carefully on the edge not quite sure that she wanted to hear what came next.

"Oniichan is a little… clingy with his women." Manami stated flatly.

Ayukawa looked puzzled.

Manami took a breath and advanced into the story. "No offense meant, Madoka-san, but after you left he pined for you for about five years. He wouldn't look at another woman, and wasn't interested in anything at all. He dropped out of university and worked with Otoosan whenever he wasn't putrified. He was helping Otoosan in Hokkaido and met Sayuri, and they had Soko. Well, when Sayuri left, he did it again."

Ayukawa sat, still confused.

Manami grabbed the edge of the bed. "Well, Sayuri is back. She came back tonight. And Kyouniichan, well, he has a 'thing' for Sayuri the same way he has a 'thing' for you. He never let her go."

"What do you mean?" Ayukawa stumbled.

Manami breathed and stated, "He still acts like he's married to the bitch."

Ayukawa just sat there. There wasn't really anything else to do. "You mean…"

"Yep." Manami nodded. "Sayuri is in the apartment at the Abcb. Kyouniichan feels he owes her something so every time she comes crawling back after she's been thrown out, or out of money, he takes her in."

"But…" she said, and pointed to some obscure place in her memory as she thought about the kiss in the restaurant and the few wonderful moments on the park bench. "But he…"

Manami nodded pensively. "Madoka-san, it's none of my business, and I really do hope you stay. I can't ask you to, and to be really honest, I'm not sure I want you to if you're just going to leave. But just do one thing for me, okay?

Ayukawa was struck by the woman's honesty. She had guessed that there was some tension between them, but to hear it out load was something different. "What's that?" she said, guarding herself as she crossed her arms.

"I want you to help me get that bitch's claws out of my brother." Manami didn't look at her face as she said it, but that didn't make it any less poignant. "She's ruined the both of their lives more than once, and I want her gone for good. He won't listen to me where she's concerned and if you can help me do that, I'd be very, very grateful."

Ayukawa sat dumbly and stared out in front of her as her arms dropped to her thighs. She had no idea what to say.

"I know it's a lot to ask." Manami said, looking directly at the woman. "Just think about it, okay? It would mean a lot to me, and a lot to Soko, not to mention Kyousuke." She turned her eyes downward and played her last card. "If you ever cared for him, if you ever loved him the way I think you do, you'll help me."

"Right." Was all she could say, and even that very softly.

"Well," Manami said with a sigh, "I have to get the children to bed." She heaved herself up from the bed and crossed the room. "I'm sorry, Madoka-san, but he needs your help more than you know."

Ayukawa looked up to the woman, not sure what to say. This changed things drastically. She wasn't sure she could make sense of it all.

"Oyasumi." Manami said with half a smile.

"Oyasumi."

* * *

Heavy hearts this eveing. What will happen tomorrow? Wouldn't we all like to know. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Introduction:**

As always, my thanks to Matsumoto-sama.

With the completion of the first act, a brief synopsis is in order. Ayukawa has returned to Japan after 22 years of being an Idol. Kyousuke had married Sayuri and had a daughter, Soko. Sayuri left them and Manami won't ever forgive her for that. And now that Ayukawa and Kyousuke have a budding relationship together, Ayukawa finds that she has a stake in Kyousuke's life. What will happen in the new KOR traingle?

**Synopsis:**

Ayukawa's decision: to battle for Kyousuke's future or not.**  
**

* * *

**To Be A Star**

Chapter 8

Manami woke early as she always did to get her house ready for the day, but today was different and she could feel it. She had a new energy about her and set herself to express it. She punched up her 'dance mix' on computer they kept in the kitchen that they used as a jukebox. It's something Manami had insisted on when they moved in. It made the day fly if she could have something to spur her on, and that is exactly what it did today.

As the strings and horns blew out of the speakers, she set at it, dancing along in the rhythm that flowed through her as she prepared a place for all at her table. She felt alive today because there was hope; a hope that hadn't been there before. And as a classic started in, 'In the Mood' by the Andrew Sisters, her body stepped right into the groove.

Her husband came in momentarily and she could see him shake his head. He didn't really dislike this song, she knew, but he tended to want to wait until the evening before he was really ready to shake his booty. "You seem to be in a good mood this morning."

She smiled to him and winked.

He smiled in return and both of them giggled.

"Feel like coming home for lunch today, darling?" she asked, placing a plate full of hot-cakes in front of him. "Or maybe… being a little late for work?"

He grinned at her conspiratorially as he picked up his fork and watched her hips sway, then remembered what day it was. "I wish I could, but I've got office hours today, and my first class is at 8. I even have to leave early. One of my grad students needs help on her thesis."

"HER thesis?" she queried mockingly. "Oh sure, you'd rather be with HER than with me, eh?" she teased.

He laughed and got up to go to her. "Why don't we send the children out this evening instead? I can call Kurumi-san to see if she can take care of them." He said as he came up behind her and held her.

She quivered a little bit at his touch. He still did it to her after eighteen years. "Promise?" she said as she turned and put her arms around his neck.

"I promise." He smiled, then kissed her softly.

She sighed in response and cuddled into him, the both of them starting to sway to the music as The Four Seasons came to the top of the list with 'Oh What a Night.'

They began to dance, and he twirled her out and back. The both of them smiled. "You still remember?" she said with a conspiratorial wink.

"How could I ever forget?" he said, pulling her to him and coveting her with his arms. "You were wearing that blue and white dress. The one with the low, low neck. You were dancing in the middle of the floor like there was no tomorrow and I was so nervous I didn't even know what to say when I walked up to you and asked if I could join you."

She giggled and put his face to hers. They kissed as they had that night, as if they didn't know where the noses went. And again he took her breath away.

Ayukawa pushed the door to the kitchen open and stood dumbstruck as she scratched herself. Her hair was up in a nest of tangles and a blue terrycloth robe a few sizes too large was wrapped around her covering every possible inch of her. "Oh, I'm sorry." She said, backing out of the door.

Manami disentangled herself with a smile and patted his cheek. "It's all right. Come, sit down. I made breakfast."

Hanawa returned to his seat and nodded cordially to Ayukawa as she warily entered the room. "I didn't mean to interrupt anything."

Manami grinned widely and shook her head. "Papa-san is always amorous in the morning. You'll have to forgive him. He's just showing his lecherous nature."

Ayukawa pulled a chair to the table and sat, trying not to blush in embarrassment for the man.

"Don't listen to her." Hanawa said, dribbling syrup over his plate and adding strawberry jam. "I can barely keep up with her sex drive."

Manami stuck her tongue out at him as she placed a plate in front of Ayukawa. "Beast, brute. I have bruises!"

He grinned and Ayukawa giggled, buttering her hot-cakes.

"Then stop squirming so much, you wild, wanton woman!" he said as he patted her rump and she shook it for him.

"So how are you feeling today, Ayukawa-san?" Manami asked as she got back to work on the next batch of hot-cakes and bounced around the kitchen to 'Everybody's Free'.

"Not bad, considering." Ayukawa smiled half-heartedly, applying herself to preparing her plate. After she'd gotten it just the way she wanted it, she put her hands into her lap and stared at it. Her mind was simply not on food at the moment.

Hanawa looked up to her between bites and gestured to the plate. "Well, it won't do you any good to starve while you're trying to figure out what you're going to do."

Ayukawa looked up, shaken out of her machinations. "Yeah, I guess so."

Manami patted the woman on the shoulder and moved the syrup closer to her. "He's right. It doesn't do any good to ruin your appetite with worry. Eat first, then worry. That's my motto."

Ayukawa chuckled softly. "If you say so."

They chatted through breakfast, all of them carefully avoiding any subject that might be traumatic while the digestive juices were working. Shortly Hanawa got up and kissed his wife softly, then exited. The children came in and wolfed food down in a group, all solemnly staring at the new addition to the family table.

As they left, Ayukawa started to really relax. The cozy atmosphere of Manami's house-hold was so domestically calming it made Ayukawa daydream about one of her own with Kyousuke. As soon as the thought entered her mind, she began to squirm in her seat. Instead of breaking the wonderful morning, she applied herself to listening the music. It was soft, and a little out of place among the others. "Who is this?"

The soft saxophone dipped and slid through the keys as the drums tip-toed through the changes. Ayukawa knew this song. She'd played it time and time again when she was first finding the instrument.

Manami looked up and to the right as she dumped another dirty dish into the sink. "Hmmm… Johnny Hodges. All of Me."

Ayukawa smiled and let the beat flow through her. "I used to play this all the time. I'd play along and it would just take me away."

Manami smiled, then grinned to herself as the song died away.

The player clicked and Michael Paulo's 'Heart and Soul' began. Manami turned her body so she could see the woman as she put a plate into the cabinet.

Ayukawa's eyes grew wide. She looked up to the woman and then stared at the player. "This is…"

Manami nodded and laughed. "Yep! This is my 'Remembering Madoka-san' mix."

The both of them laughed together as Manami finished. The soft sounds of the saxophone, so much like what she used to play on the veranda of her old home. It was as if she herself had keyed the notes and blew them. As a matter of fact she used to play this very song, just in her own jazz interpretation. It was her sad song. And when she finally heard it again, the soft moments, and the hard ones, all came back to her and her eyes glazed with time. It was as if the last 22 years simply hadn't happened, and she was once again in the middle of that last summer. And as if footprints in the sand, it all washed away.

"Manami-chan…"she began, calling the woman's attention. "what's Sayuri like?"

Manami grimaced, "Are you sure you don't want a drink first?"

Ayukawa grimaced, not understanding what the woman meant. "All I remember from school is a rather pretty girl who for some reason didn't like me all that much and kept trying to steal Kyousuke away." As she said it, she understood something vital. It was his name, and he was hers. The possessive nature of that simple intimacy said it all. She needed all of him, not just a few passing moments. The realization made her uncomfortable and she lit a cigarette to push the reality back until she could think clearly.

Manami turned around and wiped her hands on the towel beside her. She looked up as if to remember and leaned against the sink. "It's kind of hard to explain her character." Her eyes went to the floor as she put the towel down. "Well, without telling you things that aren't really any of my business it's hard."

Ayukawa shifted in her seat, crossing her legs. "It's all right if you don't…"

But Manami cut her off. "No, that's not what I mean. Oniichan's happiness is important to me. Whether I should or not, I think you need to know who she is." She said, trying to assuage the guilt she felt from dumping all the responsibility for her brother's life on the woman's shoulders.

Manami breathed out, then sat beside her friend and grabbed a cigarette of her own. "In the beginning she was sweet to him. Of course, they were both drunk most of the time, but they got along fairly well. I remember one time when we were all together for Thanksgiving. It was her first thanksgiving with us and we were all there. I was still living with my father, and was just dating Hanawa. We'd met about the same time as they did so we had more to talk about than she and Kurumi did." She smiled as the past came back to her.

"She'd worn this really low-cut sweater and kept dipping down to get her drink or whatever right in front of Hanawa-san and it made me so mad. Hanawa has a thing for big breasts. He used to watch that Dolly Parton movie over and over, the one about the Texas whorehouse. It was so embarrassing." She said, and both women giggled. "Well, anyway, Oniichan had had a lot to drink, as he always did in those days, and he'd fallen down and pulled the tree right with him. She got up and helped him up and was so sweet to him. She even defended him when Otoosan gave him a hard time about it.

"I have to give her that," she said grudgingly. "She was loyal to him where we were concerned."

Ayukawa looked down at the table, not quite sure what to make of the story. She sounded like a fairly decent person. Nobody she could really get a hate going about.

"But that was just the beginning for Oniichan. Things were fine for a while. They would go out and drink all night, and when they did make it to work, they didn't stay long. They were moving around all over the place. Oniichan was in debt up to his eyes when he finally woke up. But she didn't. She just kept going. Within a year he was waiting for her to come home from the bar every night." Manami pulled in a drag from her cigarette and crushed it out. "When she stopped coming home, he started falling again."

"What do you mean?" Ayukawa asked, lighting another cigarette.

Manami grimaced. "Oniichan went out looking for her a few times, then kind of gave up and let her do what she wanted. And things went on that way for a while, and then she got pregnant."

Ayukawa tapped her ashes and pulled her legs to her chest.

"I was there when she told him, you know. She said that she hated him and that she couldn't believe that he'd done this to her. It was so embarrassing. Right in the middle of Christmas dinner, with a big turkey in the middle of the table, and everybody sitting there stunned as she actually spat at him. It was horrible.

"She screamed at him that he'd done it on purpose to tie her down. To be honest, I think he did, but… She said she was going to get an abortion. Have them 'rip the bastard right out' she said." Manami shook her head in disbelief.

Ayukawa gawked. "At Christmas dinner?"

Manami nodded. "Yes." She replied as she lit another cigarette. "That wasn't near as bad as what she did when she left him, though."

Ayukawa sat up straight and tapped her ashes. "I'm not sure I want to know."

Manami nodded and sighed. "It was bad, that's for sure. She brought Sokochan here in a car-seat and banged on the door so hard I thought she was going to break the wall down. She THREW her at me when I answered the door and said if I wanted the bitch so much, I could have her, then stalked out. Oniichan said she cleaned out their savings and checking and took off. He tried to find her but it was no use. She'd been sleeping with some guy but oniichan couldn't get him to say where she was. He got so sick about it he… he flew all over Japan looking for her. He came back a month and half later emaciated."

Ayukawa burned her fingers and crushed the cigarette out that had burned down without her noticing. She sat silently, not quite sure what to say.

Manami breathed smoke out, and tapped her ashes as she crossed her legs. "Some women just aren't cut out for motherhood, I guess.

"She's come back four times. She always leaves with as much money as she can lay her hands on, and Oniichan always chases after her. Last time he was only gone a day though. I suppose that's progress."

"Why did he marry her?" Ayukawa intoned disbelievingly.

Manami gazed at the woman and pulled in a hefty drag from her cigarette. "He was trying to replace you, my dear. You left a hole in his heart that he couldn't fill alone. I don't blame him. I probably would have done the same if Hanawa ever left me."

------

Kyousuke was still asleep when Soko woke, but she was used to making her own breakfast. She usually made his breakfast as well, and would this morning. She felt for her father, and wanted to make him happy. She didn't know why, really, she just did. She poked her head into his bedroom to check on him after going to the bathroom. He was wrapped up in the sheets and hugging a pillow tightly to his chest. The bed was a mess and the floor beside it just as bad. It looked to her as if he'd dug through his CD's to find something that suited his mood.

She was caught by her curiosity and walked over to the small player on the nightstand. Sitting atop the player was the cover to what he'd listened to as he slept. It was The Cure, 'Cut Here'. That meant something to Soko. She didn't really like it, but her father adored them, even if he only listened to them every once in a great while when he was feeling low. In other words, every time his mother had come to town. There were a few Ayukawa's in the pile on the floor, and that made her feel a little better. And yet, it wasn't like him to leave his Ayukawa's lying on the floor like that.

She saw his watch, laying on the nightstand just within her reach. She could see part of the band, and the big analogue face of it underneath a CD case. She looked at her father, and felt the heat of rebellion. He would give her a hard time if he found out. A bead of sweat formed on her lip. It didn't matter, she had to know.

She grabbed the watch by the band and rushed out of the room, holding the emotions contained in it until she was in her room with the door closed. She laid it on the bed quickly before the feelings could swell up in her. She stared at it for a moment, then sat cautiously beside it and wiped her hands on her nightshirt. She took a deep breath and took the watch in her hands, cupping it gently, then closing her fingers about it in a knuckle-whitening grip as she closed her eyes.

She drifted through the worry, and the aggravation right into the anger. It was visceral and fresh. It was an ancient fear that gripped it's cold hands around her that made her quake, then erupted into rage. But there was something about it she couldn't quite make out. Some taste to it that made this different than anything she'd experienced before. It was so encompassing that it scared her.

As suddenly as it hit, it drifted away into a soft concern that was bubbled out of the way by a piquant mistrust. Then again that anger hit her fiercely, then just as suddenly faded away, this time to sadness. It was a soft and gentle regret that felt as if it were an old friend; a cozy and comfortable place from which to view the world. She knew this one. She'd felt it in her father before. It was a piece of who he was that was always there. But after there was something that tasted quite different to her palate.

A heat began to build as she clutched the watch in her bare hands. It was something that started inside of her as her head began to buzz and heat bloomed out from her innards. Then heat further down. She started to sweat as she felt it. It was a longing she didn't know her father could feel. She'd felt it in her boyfriend when they kissed. And she could feel it now through her father's emotions. She concentrated and tightened her grip, trying to scrutinize it, and in that instant, a vision broke open in her mind. Ayukawa stood before her, her eyes closed as she pulled away from a kiss and blushed softly, the color in her cheeks so inviting that she felt she would die for her. It was all so real as she heard herself say in her father's voice something she couldn't quite make out. It made Ayukawa smile.

Soko threw down the watch, afraid of what the hell was happening to her. This had never happened before. It had felt so real. Like it was happening to HER. She didn't quite know how to handle the emotions that still rankled in her; the real heat the burned in her teenage center. And for a woman. That was simply a shock. She'd always thought she was a one or a two on the Kinsey scale, but that…

She stared at the watch, agape, wanting to curse it. She got up from the bed and busied herself instead, trying not to think about what had happened. She needed time to digest it.

Her aunt Manami had told her once that the girl did all her deep thinking on an emotional level and she had accepted that. And as she busied herself she thought about that instead. She was working precisely through each step of cooking the breakfast ensamble when her father scared her half to death with an "Ohayo."

"Looks great." He said, trying hard to smile. "What are we having?"

She stood there for a moment just staring at him, working her jaw up and down slightly, then shook herself out of it. "Waffles with fresh cream and hash." She replied dumbly, then busied herself preparing a plate.

He looked up to the clock and grimaced. He didn't feel like getting on her for missing the first school bell even though he knew he should. She could stand to take a day off if she wanted it. "Staying home today?"

She looked to him quizzically, then allowed her eyes to follow his finger to the clock on the wall. "OH. I hadn't realized it was that late. I'm sorry, Papa." She said with a grimace.

He gave her the best smile he could. "It's okay. Don't worry about it. It was a rough night. Maybe it's best if you just take the day off and get adjusted."

She blinked and stuttered out. "A… All right." What she really wanted to say was, 'Who are you and what have you done with my father?' but that wouldn't have been, well, nice.

* * *

Look for more drama in the next installment as the tension builds! 


	9. Chapter 9

**Introduction:** As always, my thanks to Matsumoto-sama.

**Synopsis:**

Trouble awaits at the horizon.

* * *

**To Be A Star**

Chapter 9

Sayuri felt her stomach gurgle as the sofa shook beneath her. She grunted her distaste. The xanax that she'd taken the night before just to stop her mind from eating away at her rest still had hold of her. She fought through the clouds of half-formed dreams to plead, "Nanioo? Let me sleep."

The sofa shook again, and she rolled into it, as if to curl inside the cushions and lose herself. She grunted her disapproval as the voice reached her. "Come on. Time to wake up."

She grunted and caught the whiff of vomit. Her face curled inward and she cursed drunkenly.

"Sayuri! Sayuri!" he screamed and shook her. That was all her stomach could take. She rolled back and wretched. What little acidy fluid was left in her came out quickly, burning her nose and throat as it came out, soaking the couch, her hair, and his leg. She lay back, spent and tried to sleep. Just sleep. But the movement wouldn't let her. The world was quaking and sloshing from side to side "Put me down." She heard herself say and pushed at the arms that wrapped her up feebly. That was all she could do.

------

Kyousuke sat outside the hospital room in a vinyl chair that seemed to be as uncomfortable as they could make it. The sterile smelling, worn surroundings jarred his senses. The institutional tile on the floor, a grungy, glossy ochre, and burgundy vinyl seats. The dark brown metal door-frames surrounding solid, veneered doors. It all felt so impersonal that it grated against his senses. He'd never liked hospitals anyway. But this place was worse than normal. It had been the closest one to the pub and so he'd taken her here, not knowing what else to do.

Uniformed people stepped dutifully into and out of the room carrying out their tasks. All the while they would ignore his pleading eyes. He was denied any assurance that they could have given him.

From the empty bottles and pill containers, she'd had plenty to ingest the night before. When he couldn't rouse her, and then vomited, he'd brought her here. He tried to think, tried to mend something back together of the day, and gripped his head between his hands. He couldn't. He only wanted to talk to her before he opened up the pub. He wanted to say that he was sorry, but she'd have to leave. It was over and that was that. But this was something altogether different. He hadn't known how ill she was.

He didn't want to know how Soko-chan would take this new development. He couldn't let his mind rest on that even for a second. It was too dangerous an area. That, and Ayukawa… How could he do that to his wife when she needed him? It didn't matter. None of it mattered. Not anymore.

A man walked into the room. He carried a clipboard made of what looked like stainless steel that matched the thin frames of his thick glasses. What struck Kyousuke was his cleanliness. This man looked as if his clothes had just been pressed, and Kyousuke couldn't figure out why that bothered him. He put a finger on it at once when the man looked up and introduced himself. "I'm Doctor Himada, I'm your wife's physician."

How dare he look so collected, Kyousuke thought. "Good morning, Doctor. Can you tell me anything?" he said, closing his hands together between his knees.

Himada looked to the woman wrapped up in sheets in the bed. "You're wife is recovering from an overdose."

Kyousuke nodded. He'd figured that much.

"There's really very little we can do for her. We're lucky. She vomited up most of the pharmaceuticals. It's simply the interaction of what she was able to keep down and the alcohol that she's consumed that's a concern. Do you happen to know the amount of alcohol she ingested?"

Kyousuke breathed out to center his thoughts. "There was two empty fifths of whiskey there when I found her. One of those may have been open already, but I can't say for sure."

Dr. Himada wrote something down, then pinned him with a consternated glare. "And the pills?"

Kyousuke shook his head. "I don't know."

The silence was unforgiving.

"There were a bunch of pill bottles on the coffee table." He began again. "I can't say for sure how much she took of anything."

"Won't or can't?" the Dr. said, cutting Kyousuke to the quick.

"Listen," Kyousuke began. "We've been separated for years. I have seen her in a year and a half. She just came back yesterday needing a place to stay." He tried to explain, but trailed off as he looked at her.

The Dr. simply stared at him, expecting more from his explanation.

"Do you know…" Kyousuke began. "Do you know if she really meant to kill herself?"

"Well, that's something I can't say." Himada intoned. "We'll know more when she wakes up. I'd like to schedule a psychiatric evaluation. We have a few forms we'd like you to sign. We aren't suggesting commitment at this time, but if this does turn out to be a valid suicide attempt it's something you need to keep in mind."

"Commitment?" Kyousuke replied.

"Yes." Himada nodded. "For her own protection."

"Oh."

"I know this isn't a comfortable situation." Himada continued. "But please think of her best interest before you refuse commitment. It's perfectly normal to have emotional problems when habitually abusing alcohol and other drugs. Hospitalization may be the answer."

This conversation, to say the least, was a shock to Kyousuke. He sat dumbfounded, trying to regain some sort of composure as he thought about those words: commitment, hospitalization.

"We don't know if it's required yet, or even necessary. I just wanted to bring your attention to the possibility."

Kyousuke needed time to think. He needed time to decipher what had already happened and work from there, but time was exactly what he didn't have.

"Papa?" came a voice from just inside the room. Soko's eyes were intent on her mother for a moment. They were almost angry, then softened as she looked at her father. She came to him as he stood up, and hugged him. "I came as soon as I heard. The hospital called for you."

He released his daughter and cursed the bureaucracy that had afforded him no chance to plan. "She'll be all right." Was all he could think of to say.

She looked up to him. "Are you all right?"

He looked down at her for a moment and smiled. "I'm fine. Go get something to eat in the cafeteria and we'll talk when I get there."

As she left the room, looking back to her father over her shoulder she didn't think he was. In fact, she thought he was anything but all right.

He turned to the doctor. "You needed an authorization for the evaluation?"

Himada nodded, gripping his clipboard in front of him. "The nurse will give you the necessary forms. We'll keep her for a few days and run our tests. After that we'll have a recommendation for you."

"Thank you, Doctor."

* * *

Chapter 10 isn't finished quite yet, so I'm sorry but you'll all have to wait. Nevertheless, I'm sure it will prove quite interesting. 


End file.
